Wednesday, May 21, 2014

too old for high school drama...

i don't know why i get caught up in all the drama of people.

focusing my thoughts and attention on that 'stuff' always takes me to a place in my head that tells me i am not worthy, disliked, unloveable, invisible…

i really don't like feeling that way.

i hope that i am a decent friend. that i am not too needy, but needy enough. that i am not too chatty, but chat enough. that i am not too distant, but distant enough. i hope i'm not too clingy, but clingy enough. but i cannot change who i am. either you like me or you don't. either you include me or you don't. it shouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

and yet somehow it still does. and sometimes it hurts.

being vulnerable and naive sucks. but it's all i got. God made me this way. it's who i am. i'm not ashamed of it and i embrace it.

it's time for me to be that 'intentional' person i set out to be at the beginning of this year…time to focus on God and what He has in store for my life. no, it's not about me. and it's most certainly not about you. it's about what He wants to do with me for my life. some call it purpose. destiny. whatever.

i'm done chasing. if you need me, you know where to find me.

2 comments:

  1. Sounds like you've been doing some soul searching... I understand! I'm sorry you are going through... whatever it is. You are so right, God made you the way you are with all your struggles. He's got this! Just trust Him and know that YOU are loved just the way you are. (((Big Hug))) Now, go have a cup of coffee and put your feet up!

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    Replies
    1. i did have a coffee after that ;) lol! i'm over it now. thank you sweetie!

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