tick tock...

WOW. it's been months since my last post. what happened to being "intentional" this year?

well, i'll try to answer that…

being intentional is pretty darn hard. i've been trying to be intentional with my familial relationships.
i have done an ok job of it i suppose, especially with my boys. being present for them and such.

my relationship with my savior on the other hand is somewhat inconsistent. no, i am not questioning my faith nor my love for Him…but He might be.

confession time…

i haven't been consistent with my quiet time, nor my prayer life.
i haven't been consistent with my meal plan, nor my running (i haven't went for a run since November).
something is off. something is missing. something i cannot quite put my finger on.
the intentional "push" in me has subsided. i'm tired. i'm having unexplained pain in my hand. i am gaining back weight i thought would be gone forever. i'm struggling to stay focused on the foster parenting workbooks. i'm struggling with my usefulness. i'm struggling with getting my house in order…with so many projects to be done. and not being able to appreciate those that are done.

and life goes on around me. tick tock. tick tock.

my boys are growing up around me. i see them going through their own struggles. and some of those struggles are heartbreaking. and i don't know how to help them. i see my siblings going through rough times and i can only pray for them. i watch my friends go through hardships and losses and hear of so many people losing their battles or passing away. and i can only pray for them.

where is my intentionality that i was so fired up about at the beginning of the year?
i guess it's time to renew that feeling.

here's hoping...