being a mom is not easy...

i am struggling with this mom thing.

being a mom is not easy. the complexities of relationships that weave in and out of the every day crowd my mind. my need to be in control and 'right' should not precede the feelings of those in my family, especially my children. 

i'm making mistakes and failing. i know God is using these moments to refine me. but i still struggle. i struggle with communication. i struggle with discipline. i struggle with what's right and fair. i'm not perfect. He's not done with me yet. 

mostly, i wrestle with my 9 year old. oh how he is like me! we quarrel and butt heads many times throughout the day. it's a daily struggle to just hold my tongue. but i fail at that too. 

my husband has talked with stephen about the 'why'. stephen is feeling that i don't love him as much as my other two boys. how could he even think that?! stephen feels that i expect more from him. perhaps i do. He also feels that i single him out more than my other two. i'm not sure that i do, but he feels that way. so i suppose that should be addressed. 

why hasn't stephen come to me with all of this? am i that unapproachable? i didn't think i was. *shrug*

well, this is not about me. i need to let go of any strongholds i have, be strong and hold on to stephen. our relationship is most important. 

i love him so very much...as i do all of my boys. i want him to feel loved and safe and able to talk to me about anything. so here i go...i'm diving in. Lord help me!