finding my purpose...

i consistently compare myself and my life to others. yes, i know it's wrong. but i am human and do it. don't you?

women especially are notorious for doing the comparison thing.

we compare our dull, inane, simple lives to those around us who take those romantic trips and find time in their busy days to knit, sew, cook exotic meals, craft til it comes out of their hair (literally!), do their chores, tend to their children, do exciting and fun things with said children, cozy up with a book, care for the needy, master the art of photography, and of course...blog!

i am not one of those women. i aspire to be. i wanna be. i dream to be. but just cannot seem to get my act together.

i know what i see and what actually is reality are two different perspectives. i have no idea that perhaps that woman who seems perfect on the surface is going through something horrible behind the 'mask.'
and yet i still compare.

and what's more than that is lately i have been wondering what the heck is my purpose here. oh yes, i am a mom, a wife, a child of God. all of that. but i still feel that i have no purpose. i don't know what my so-called 'spiritual gifts' are or even how to obtain that knowledge. i have asked God for insight. but He chooses not to reveal that to me...yet.

i also know that this life is not really about me...it's about Him. ALL for Him. i know that's really all the 'why' i need. right? i tell that to myself always. because otherwise i could just give up on it all.

is this a pity party? perhaps. i don't really care. i just needed to type it all out. maybe it will give me some perspective. maybe not. *shrug*



(can you sense my indecisiveness?)

a friend and fellow blogger of mine shared one of Rick Warren's interviews on her blog recently (you can find her here). Rick Warren is the author of "The Purpose Driven Life," among other things.

The following is from that interview...

"We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense. 

Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one. 

The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort. 

God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy...

Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. 

No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on.

And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for. 

You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems.

If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, "which is my problem, my issues, my pain." But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others... 

We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?

Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?

When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings."

i know what Rick Warren says is true....that i am here for God's purpose for my life...whatever that is. i know that. but i still feel lost on this journey. yes, Jesus is near...i feel Him. i just wish He'd tell me my next step before i stumble into the darkness.