Thursday, June 2, 2011

mom...1/8/37-6/2/09...

Dear mom,

i miss you extra today...i still remember the day you went to be with the Lord.
waiting out in the waiting room was so hard.  emotions were running high and deep for all of us.
everyone was dealing with your imminent death in their own way.
some were even making jokes and laughing.  others thought that was very insensitive.  but i suppose God made us unique that way...to deal with crisis in a way that soothes our own souls.
then we finally got the chance to see you.  i cannot say for sure, but to me, you looked already gone in spirit.  sure, the machines were beeping and the respirator was running....but i couldn't see "you" in there at all.  you were already gone.  the doctors had no hope that they could bring you back...your organs had failed...your heart was weak...and regardless of how it happened, it was your time to go.  i think God knew your body just couldn't take anymore and laid it to rest.  He lifted your spirit up and placed you in the arms of Jesus!  what a wonderful image that is for me! 
i wish i had the chance to talk with you that day.  there is so much i wanted to say to you.
i love you forever!!!  and i will miss you until i see you again in Heaven!!!
praise the Lord that you were saved!!!  it gives me HOPE!  and PEACE!

the boys are getting so big.  Nick is a superstar at baseball.  he is so smart in school too.  he's being considered for an advanced learning skills class in the fall next year.  he also wants to learn to play the trombone!  can you imagine!  i giggle when i think about his small arms pulling that slider in and out! he loves to draw!  he's so clever when it comes to writting stories...he makes us laugh every day.
Stephen is smart too...he asks endless questions...i suppose that's how we get smart, right? by asking lots of questions.  it gets annoying sometimes, but i don't like to discourage him.  he has a HUGE heart too!
he came up with an idea for a garage sale to benefit the relief efforts in Japan.  our church agreed to hold one on the grounds to increase our efforts.  he will be interviewed on video for it tomorrow.  i just love how he cares for others. 
Jacob is such a handful at 5yrs old!  he doesn't take no for an answer, and fights me over everything! he's very strong-willed and persistent...i think he gets that from you!  but he is also the most loving son.  he runs to me when he gets home from school to give me hugs and kisses!  he smooches me before bedtime, and always asks for an extra hug!  he prays with me daily.  he's my little love bug.
i hope you can see how wonderful your grandchildren are from where you sit, mom!  i know you and dad would be so proud of them! 

i miss our coffee time together.  i miss our talks on the phone.  i miss our lunch dates.  i miss you.
in this grief share program that i am in, they say that time does not heal wounds like so many people assume.  time goes by and nothing changes in our grief.  but Jesus Christ heals wounds...He can heal the deepest of our wounds.  i feel that is true.  i don't think i could have dealt with your's and dad's deaths without Jesus in my life.  i would be so lost.  such amazing grace...
i love you mom...and i will see you later...

your loving daughter,
Mare

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