VERTICALLY CHALLENGED

My next challenge...

2012-02-15T11:52:00.001-05:00

Have you ever jump roped as a girl? I have...

but it's been, oh, about 35 YEARS since I picked one up!!

OUCH! That's gonna hurt!

So my next challenge is...

to master the jump rope!

oh man! I can feel the burn already!

my new fully adjustable jump rope...i can also add weights in the handles!

LOTS and LOTS and WHOLE BUNCHES!!!

2012-02-14T10:53:00.004-05:00

"This is the Man"

On this our 11th Valentine's Day together as a couple, I am in awe of God and all he had planned for us, and all that is still yet to come.

I love "this man" I call "hon," "sweetie," "Hank," "the Hankster," and the father of my children...

This is the man who, knowing I had a boyfriend, waited 6 years to ask me for my phone number (when I became single)...SIX years!

This is the man who had "moments of silence" whenever he heard my name spoken during those 6 years.

This is the man who, while we dated, said, "I don't do casual."

This is the man who asked my father for my hand in marriage. So "old school."

This is the man who proposed to me on bended knee, just 3 months after we started dating, in a room FULL of roses and flaming candles.

This is the man who loved me for me: 2 cats, gray hair, neat freak, and walls of brick built up after years of emotional abuse from my previous relationship.

This is the man who I married only 6 months after we started dating, while most everyone told me "what are you thinking?"

This is the man who on our honeymoon sacrificed his sweatshirt to wipe the barf off of my face after I got sea sick on a whale watching boat.

This is the man who has been with me, right by my side, through the birth of our three beautiful boys (and the emotional state that followed each), the death of both my parents (and the aftermath with my family each time), and moving twice (both of which were during a time when we had a one week old child!).

This is the man who brought me chunkey monkey ice cream after I had a terrible "migraine headache day," and I was laid up for two hours, not being able to even stand up to get the boys their lunch.

This is the man who pays attention to the little details about me that no one else sees, or cares to see.

This is also the man who sometimes keeps me awake at night with his horendous snoring!

This is the man who makes me smile and laugh every day that we are together.

This is the man who tells me every day that he loves me and every night before we fall asleep says, "thanks for marrying me!"

This is the man who is such a wonderful father to our boys; so patient, so gentle, so understanding.

This is the man who God chose for me. It is no coincidence that we are together as man and wife. God is in the details.

This is the man that I love...lots and lots and whole bunches!

gardening...yup. start thinking now!

2012-02-12T16:20:00.004-05:00

For my gardening friends, this link will bring you to an article that my friend, Heather Fischer, wrote for the "From Scratch Club."

It's truly informative and gives some great ideas on how to start planting, or expanding, your garden.
Take a read! You'll be glad you did!

Gardening in my little neck of the woods has proved to be somewhat of a challenge. The soil is mostly clay, so we had to adjust it with some top soil and manure. yuck! but what a crop that yielded! woot!

our small garden on the side of the driveway

one of the many bounties produced from our garden

What I didn't know about raised beds, is that you can plant different plants that require different pH level soils right in the same garden! I think I will have to investigate this further.

I was going to get into the planning and planting of our garden, but time is not on my side today.
So that will have to wait for another post...

Tuesday Exercise Challenge...

2012-02-07T11:51:00.001-05:00

Here we are at another Tuesday...that means CHALLENGE time!
Jodi sent me the following challenge for today:

Fighting the Battle Within Challenge

(mats and handweights)

***COMPLETE ALL PARTS WITH MINIMUM REST IN BETWEEN!!

Modifications in blue

**Get a timer to time how long this takes you until completion!

Part 1: 10 jump knee tucks (10 REGULAR squats, hands and arms outstretched in front of you)

Part 2: Repeat part 1 add 20 dancing crabs (reverse plank position, kick up right leg while reaching for the right toes with left hand. Then switch legs and hand.) (Hold Reverse plank position and do 20 kick ups alternating legs.)

Part 3 : Repeat parts 1 and 2 add 30 fast squat thrusts. Hands down to the floor, jump into plank, jump back in and stand up! (walk into plank and walk back in)

Part 4: Repeat Parts 1,2 and 3 and add 40 Side to Side plank jumps on elbows. Get into plank on elbows and jump both feet to the right back to center, (that is 1) then left and back to center (that is 2) Modification ( walk to the right, right step out, left step out then back...left foot in, right foot in and reverse sides)

Part 5: Repeat parts 1,2,3,and 4 and add 50 reverse lunges with lateral shoulder raise (weights) alternating legs. (no weights/ Stand up and place the right foot on the floor behind you in a lunge while raising the arms out to the sides stopping at shoulder height. Bring right foot back to the start and lower arms. Repeat move on left leg, same arms.)

My completion time=15min58sec; I modified parts 1, 2, 4 & 5. I'm a wimp! hahaha!
This was a tough one for me! Brought sweat to my eyes!

DARE YOU!

February Photo Challenge...

2012-02-03T17:02:00.000-05:00

Yet another challenge...this one I take on voluntarily!
It's a photo a day based on this:

I will be posting my February pics on fb, then at the end of the month, I will post them all here :)

This should be a fun one!

vertically challenged...the meaning behind the name...

2012-02-01T09:36:00.003-05:00

Vertically Challenged is a euphemism for "being short." (...and yes, i am.)

However, Vertically Challenged has another meaning for me...

it reminds me how separate i am from God; that i need to draw nearer to Him and get to know Him more intimately...and THAT is my "challenge."

I do not have a "gimmick;" I'm not on the cutting edge of technology; I have no tips on how to coupon or keep your house on a budget; I don't sew or knit; I do craft but I usually follow someone else's ideas; I love scrapbooking but I cannot offer you any unique or new ways to go about it; I do not have any fun recipes to try, or mad photography skills; I don't have a master's degree or doctorate; I cannot offer you advice on how to raise your children in God's light, or how to discipline them so they won't hate you for the rest of your life; I am not one of the "cool" kids, nor have I ever been; I do not climb mountains or run marathons, I do however kayak; I don't dress savvy; I cannot tell you how to organize your closet, or how to live simply ...

No, I am just an ordinary person, living an ordinary life, in a humble home; a city girl replanted in a very small town; a God-loving woman, a wife to my loving husband, a stay-at-home mom to my three beautiful boys, a connoisseur of coffee, a scrapbooker, a reader...just trying to simply live and overcome the challenges we face every day in this life.

My Tuesday Exercise Challenge!

2012-01-31T12:30:00.000-05:00

Needed: timer, mat if needed.

****This is a timed challenge! SO get your timer, set it to stop watch and push yourself! Complete 3 rounds of the exercises listed below!!!

*****Modifications are in blue!

1. 5 burpees with a push up: squat down and place your palms on the floor, jump into plank position, do a push up, jump feet back in and jump up!

Modification: squat down, palms on the floor walk right leg back , then left into a plank position, do a push up on toes or on knees then walk back in towards the hands and stand up reaching arms overhead!

2. 20 Squat with Side Leg Lift: Get into a low squat position, hips pointing back, back flat. Squat even lower and as you stand up lift the right leg as high to the side as you can. Squat back down and repeat on the left side. Squats should be deep and leg lift should be high, alternating sides. DO 20 ON EACH SIDE, making 40 TOTAL!

Modification : do not go too deeply into squat, go as far as flexibility allows. (see above for instruction)

3. Repeat 5 Burpees with Push up (with or without modifications)

4. 20 Low Burpee Hops: Start in a low squat, place hands on the ground, jump feet back into plank, jump back in, stand up BUT STAY IN LOW SQUAT AND JUMP TO THE LEFT! RepeatBurpee, and jump back to the RIGHT. All 20 should be done in a low squat!!

Modification: Perform burpee walking the feet out into plank and walking in and stay as low as you can in the squat!

Repeat 2 more times through and email me your total time!!! GO FOR IT!

This took me 12min 54sec to complete...I had to modify halfway through the second round.

I dare YOU to try this and leave your time in the comments!

COME ON! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Stephen's challenge becomes my challenge...

2012-01-30T15:59:00.001-05:00

My 8yr old son Stephen is going through a couple of challenges right now.
Helping him through these challenges is a parental responsibility.
It's tough. The problems, the questions, the solutions, the possibilities...
It's all very confusing and trying to a young individual.

Stephen signed up to take chorus in school, among many other activities. Chorus meets once a week on Friday mornings, one hour before school starts. So, Stephen has to get up an hour earlier to catch the early bus to school.

Last Friday, he told me that chorus was "stupid and lame." I was rather shocked. He was always eager to go to chorus other days. I asked him if that was him speaking, or perhaps it was something a friend said to him. He told me it was his thought.

I asked him why, but he could not give me a reason. Then I thought about it a few minutes...
you see, Stephen recently had expanders put in his mouth. He's had to adjust to eating and speaking with them. He drools a lot and "slurps" his spit a lot. I was guessing perhaps he felt a bit self-conscious about them, or the fact that there is a noticeable speech impediment now.

Stephen and I talked about quitting, or perhaps staying in until the concert in February. We talked about commitment, loyalty to his fellow chorus members, not to mention all the hard work that the teacher and students put in already. We also talked about sometimes doing things we don't like because it's the right thing to do and builds character.

I'm on the fence.

If he does quit, am I teaching him that he can just quit anything he starts? Or that he has a voice in the decision-making process? He did choose to sign up after-all. If he chooses to quit, it won't be the end of the world.

Stephen is not a quitter. He's played on sports teams, he's in the art club, the kindness and caring club, the chess club, and he joined a 4H baking
class this year. I think he just took on a bit more than he could handle this year, and he's admitting that it's a challenge. I think it will be fine if he bows out of chorus gracefully. He will do so with writing a letter to the music teacher explaining his decision.

I feel this is a good decision and we did not enter into it lightly. We prayed about it, discussed it thoroughly, and came to a conclusion. In the long run, Stephen is ultimately responsible for his decisions, even though mom and dad help him along the way; and I think there were a few very good lessons learned in this particular challenge.

challenges are what it's all about....

2012-01-26T19:48:00.001-05:00

With January coming to a close, I wanted to share with you a few of my challenges this past month.

After I started with my new exercise routine, I sprained my left wrist. ugh. I knew it was more than just "tendonitis," like I had in my right wrist over four years ago. The pain was stabbing when I bent my wrist and/or when I put pressure on it. But if I held it in neutral, it was fine. I couldn't even pick up a gallon of milk or a full coffee pot with it!!

It turned out that not only was it sprained, but I have a ganglion cyst in the joint. double ugh. no worries though...it's just fluid-filled and will most likely go away on it's own...without intervention! yay! But it could take up to 6 months. boo!

The challenge was trying not to give up exercising while it was healing. I wore a wrist splint and modified any exercise that caused any pain or discomfort. My trainer, Jodi, was super with giving me alternate exercises to do. I can now do push ups and planks without my splint on! yay!

Along with my left wrist, my left heel was killing me! I would get out of bed in the morning and as soon as I stepped on the floor, the pain would already be intense and almost burning. This has been going on since before Thanksgiving. I just kept putting off going to the podiatrist. But with my new routine, once again, the pain was getting worse...especially with all the pounding on the foot. So off I went.

It turns out that I have plantar fasciitis caused by a heel spur in my left heel. ugh again. It's just a small spur, but it hurt like there was a boulder in there! I decided, along with the professional advice from my foot surgeon, that I would try a cortisone shot to relieve the pain/burning. MAN! that hurt worse than the spur! yikes! but then my foot went numb and I was good for the rest of the day.

That evening, it was very tender, but come the next morning, I had no pain! woohooo! I am still pain free, and really praying that I stay that way. However, the spur is still there and I imagine that one day, the tendon that the spur is rubbing on will become inflamed once again. ho-hum.

But even with all that, I remained committed in getting my work-out in 4x/wk. I feel stronger. In fact, the results of my fit test proved to me that I am stronger! When I started this program, this is what I could do in one minute:

1. Star Jumps (this is where you squat down, touch your toes, then jump up into an X) = 12 in one minute

2. Push ups on knees = 13 (in one minute)

3. in/outs (plank position, yoga mat out in front of you going side to side, jump your feet in towards your hands, don't touch the mat with your feet or it doesn't count!) = 5 in one minute (those were tough).

4. Heisman Run (high knees, pumping arms, elbows bent, fingers spread, one rep is counted when the right knee comes up) = 24/one minute (but i could not sustain a "run." I had to march it. blah)

After just four short weeks, this is what I can do today:

1. star jumps = 29 in one minute!
2. push ups (on knees) = 29!!
3. in/outs = 11 (compared to just 5 my first time!)
4. Heisman run = 81 ????? holy cow! I did have to march it out the last 20 sec.

The proof is in the pudding =) ... well, only if I make it myself! LOL!

Another challenge this past two weeks has been to eat whole foods...nothing pre-packaged (except for dairy, because I don't own a cow!). It's been rough. I think I am doing ok with it. Thinking and cooking "outside the box" for every meal can get pretty exhausting. But I know I am feeling more energetic and putting things into my body that are good for me.

I no longer reach for a cookie or a cereal bar or crackers and cheese to snack on. Now I reach for carrots and hummus, or Greek yogurt, or fruit and nuts. And who knew how long it would take me to LOVE brown rice? It's so nutty and yummy...and you can spice it and flavor it with just about anything. I made some with sauteed shallots and baby portobella mushrooms, parsley, cumin, ginger, garlic, and a splash of white wine. It was surprisingly delish!

So my challenges for this month are over. Who knows what waits for me in February. I say, "bring it!"

where i'm at...

2012-01-23T13:14:00.007-05:00

I haven't had a cookie in over a month! If you know me at all, you know I LOVE my sweets! Especially COOOOKIES!!!

I'm trying to eat healthier. Whole foods. No prepackaged anything. It's hard.

Another thing that I LOVE is bread! All kinds of bread! But unless I make it myself with whole foods, I am not sticking it in my mouth. I just might have to start making bread! I do own a bread machine..,it's been sitting on my back stairs (which we use as a closet) for years. Yes, I said YEARS! In fact, I almost gave it away once, and then I almost put it in my yard sale.

My water intake is somewhere between 60-80 ounces/day. It varies because sometimes when I know I need to drive a long distance, I don't drink as much...for obvious reasons! But I feel good about the H2O I'm getting now.

In January I joined "Challenge by Choice." It's really I.N.T.E.N.S.E. HIIT (high intensity interval training). That really says it all. Hard work pays off, I'm told. I'll be heading into session II next week. I "hit" CbC 3x/wk, and do one "fit challenge" at home, so that = 4x/wk. I'm not sure if I actually feel the pounds dropping yet, but I definitely have more energy! That is a good thing.

On the spiritual side of things, I am truly enjoying the Beth Moore study on James. I love her style and her stories. In the very first video, she talks about what happened to her family after their mom passed away...they split and scattered. Very similar to what happened with my family after my mom passed. I could definitely relate! Her honesty and intentionality (is that even a word?) is refreshing and encouraging.

So, that's where I'm at right now. Trying to stay strong and finish what I started.

say what?

2012-01-16T22:17:00.000-05:00

adoption. It's what's been on my mind and in my heart lately.
I don't know why, but the boys and I were talking about it earlier today.
Stephen said he's always wanted a little sister. Hmmmmm.
I have been wanting a little girl so much in the past few months.
I'm unsure how Hank feels about adoption. And I'm unsure if this is God's will...
or my own.
I suppose some serious conversations need to happen.
or maybe it's just a passing fancy?

cleaning up my act...

2012-01-13T14:17:00.003-05:00

finally some snow! now it really feels like winter in the northeast!

...and now Jake knows why he should not leave his toys outside in the winter!

when a snowblower and a light saber collide...

I have taken on a few challenges this month.

My first challenge this month is for my health. I am not trying to get skinny. I will never be "skinny."

I am trying to get healthy.

heart healthy!

At the age of 50 (which I will be in less than 3 short years), my mother was already obese, had diabetes, hypothyroidism, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and a heart attack. She smoked, she ate whatever, she didn't exercise--at all. That proved to be fatal for her. She had many complications from her diabetes and when she turned 70, she had to be placed on dialysis. Her kidneys in failure. Then she had a stroke. At the young age of 72, she passed away.

I don't want that for me or for my family. I would like to live to play with my grandchildren and my great-grandchildren...the Lord willing and the creek don't rise!

My first goal for this challenge is to work out, or just get moving, 4 days/wk. Whether that is at a gym or at home.

My second get healthy goal is to clean up my food intake. No, I'm not going to starve! I am just going to eat leaner and greener! and yes, I will still have my coffee! LOL!

My third goal is to increase my H2O intake. I'm shooting for 80oz/day.

that's just FOUR of these little babies :)

That's it. Not too crazy, right?

My next challenge is for my spiritual health.

I am taking on the Beth Moore study of the book of James. I have never done a Beth Moore study. She gives you a few levels that you can choose to shoot for...I chose level four. What that means for me is that I will:

attend the weekly class and watch the videos
do the weekly homework
hand write the book of James (this part I love!)
read the additional articles in the study, written by Melissa Moore Fitzpatrick

this study started on Jan 11th and will run through May 9th

(BTW, there is one more level in this study...that is to memorize the entire book of James! I really don't feel like I could tackle that at this point in my life, although it would be a most excellent challenge, I'm sure!)

For my spiritual health, I will also maintain my everyday Bible reading, prayer, and worship. (I know this might seem silly, but I worship the Lord in song while I do my dishes every night! Try it! You just might like it.)

A third challenge for this month is my financial health.

This will prove to be the toughest, I'm sure. Because this involves my whole family, not just me.

We will need to start living below our means to clean up our debt and eventually work towards financial peace. We will try to accomplish this through the Financial Peace University by Dave Ramsey.

Oh no! Does this mean my hair will have to suffer and return to it's "normal" gray color? I certainly hope not! (and neither does my stylist! hahaha!)

I think that's enough to start the year off with a BANG!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Other happenings this month already...

Nick took on a spelling bee that included 4th, 5th and 6th graders. He came in THIRD!

Nick had his expanders removed; and Stephen is having his put in next week.

the scientist

our "exploding volcano" experiment fizzled.

I got a flat tire by running over a HUGE bolt; that took $150 out of our budget.

My car also needs a new catalytic converter....the parts alone took out another $900 our of our budget. Not to mention what it will cost for someone to do the work.

Our new heating system is completely installed and running well! finally! (we will never have to buy another drop of fuel oil again--EVER!)

...and Jacob cannot wait for the first weekend in February! Temple Baptist Church will be having their annual LOCK-IN at the YMCA in Clifton Park! Since Jake is in 1st grade, this will be his first ever year that he can go! woohoo! what that means for me...I have to go too! I'm not looking forward to staying up all night! But it's a family thing now...

a J.O.Y. full 2012...

2012-01-03T14:16:00.001-05:00

Welcome to 2012! A new year means a new beginning right? Sure! Why not?!
But we can begin anew each and every day! The Lord's mercies are new every morning! and His love is steadfast (Lamentations 3:22-24)! I will place my hope in the Lord, not in what this new year will bring.

This year, I will not strive for happiness. Nope. Happiness is a fleeting emotion that only lasts as long as the situation that made you happy lasts. I'm not saying I don't want to be happy, I do. Everyone does. It is a God-given emotion after all. Who coined the phrase "happy new year" anyway? The simple truth of the matter is, I don't think anyone will ever be completely and truly happy (in this life anyway).

I don't believe God ever promised us happiness. I believe He wanted us to be FILLED with JOY! In John 15:11 it is written, "I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete;" in Nehemiah 8:10 it is written,"...for the joy of the Lord is your strength." JOY!

This year I want to strive for joyfulness. Being joy-filled. Filled with JOY! Do you remember that acronym for j.o.y. ??? I do. It's "J.esus" "O.thers" "Y.ourself" This is what I will strive for in 2012.
There are many other "goals" I have for myself and my family. But I think this one is at the top of the list.

And what are goals anyway? Just guidelines really. Only God knows what His plan is for my family and I. All I can do is pray about the next step into life...and wait patiently for His answer.

God bless you my friends in this new year of 2012!

Our Christmas in Pictures...

2012-01-02T13:07:00.000-05:00

I'm a bit behind in my posting...but you know how it is with 3 boys and so much to do!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-23T16:22:00.000-05:00

Just taking some time to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas! and a Happy New Year!
My desire is to draw close to the Lord this Christmas...along with my family and church.

God bless you all!

GIVEAWAY!

2011-12-21T08:40:00.002-05:00

finding the THANKS and JOY in every day life is essential to our spiritual health...want a chance to WIN the book "One Thousand Gifts?" enter here at my friend's blog:

Gracious Daughter of the King: Learning to Be Thankful and Giveaway!

graciousdaughteroftheking.blogspot.com

delighting in december...

2011-12-12T23:13:00.001-05:00

Can it be just 12 days until Christmas?! We haven't even gotten our outside Christmas lights up yet!

Are you getting a little bit excited?! I AM!

I cannot wait to celebrate the birth of Christ with my family!

Jacob is the only one of my boys singing in the children's choir this year. O Holy Night is going to be a tear jerker for sure!

Jacob also won tickets to Disney on Ice (coloring a turkey in the Saratogian). It's not something I would have chosen for us to go see, but it was so worth the look on his face! Jacob sat on the edge of his seat through most of the show...and his face! well, it was just FULL of wonder and excitement! so precious.

We also took a ride on the Polar Express! We've been wanting to do this for years! But the boys were either too little, or we couldn't afford it. We sprung for it this year because the boys are old enough where they can remember it, but young enough to still feel the magic of it all.

OK, so you might not be into the whole "santa" thing, but that's alright. It wasn't just about Santa Clause...

it was the experience of it all! The train ride, the festive atmosphere and Christmas music, the Polar Express story, the HOT CHOCOLATE and COOKIES!

the golden ticket...

ALL of it! Just wonderful and loads of fun for the boys! I'm so glad we got to do it at least once.

So much left to do this year...gingerbread men, holiday parties, the Trans-Siberian Orchestra (our family tradition), cookies to bake...

but I'm just so thankful and blessed to have my husband and my boys...delighting in december...this advent season...this month when Christ was born.

wrappin' it up! day 30...

2011-11-30T16:21:00.009-05:00

...and soon I really will be "wrapping!" Hahaha!

This 30 day challenge to turn my complaints into thanks and be grateful for something every day has been a wonderful journey. However, I am so glad it's day 30!

Don't get me wrong, I am truly thankful that I chose to do this and chose to share it with my peeps!
Even if there are only a handful of you out there ;)

So often I go through my days complaining or feeling stressed. I forget to look for God's blessings in my life. Thankfulness is a conscious decision to be made daily.

Psalm 136:1(NIV) "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever."

Ephesians 5:20 (NIV) "...always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of

our Lord Jesus Christ."

I set out in the beginning of this month with a challenge to find something to be thankful for each and every day. I found it difficult after the first 10 days, but then I began to find things that I was thankful for that just appeared to me out of the blue...like organization! HA!

Some days it just seems impossible to find something to be grateful for. In 1 Thessalonians 5:18 in the amplified Bible it reads:

"Thank [God] in everything [no matter what the circumstances may be, be thankful and five thanks], for this is the will of God for you [who are] in Christ Jesus."

Gratitude is more than a saying or a feeling...it's a way of life. To have an attitude of thankfulness about everything, even the mundane, can bring us joy. Joy? Really? SURE!

John 15:11 "I have told you this so that my

joy may be in you and that your joy may be

complete."

Nehemiah 8:10 "...for the joy of the Lord is

your strength."

When I am folding the fourth load of laundry that day, or doing yet another load of dishes, I try to find that attitude of thankfulness. Because it's not what I am doing, it's how and why I am doing it. If I look at it as a chore, it will feel that way. Isn't man's chief end to glorify God and love Him forever? (Thomas Watson)

1 Corinthians 10:31 "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of

God."

I challenge you to look upon your daily tasks with a change of heart...with a heart of gratitude. When you fold that next basket of clothes...think on how many are without warm clothes this winter. When you wash that next dish, think about how many are hungry or literally starving. When you sweep your kitchen floor, thank God that you have a safe home for your family.

Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT) "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell

God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace,

which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you

live in Christ Jesus."

THANK YOU for allowing me this opportunity to share my heart with you! It has truly been a blessing!

Almost there....day 29!

2011-11-29T15:17:00.001-05:00

It's really been a challenge to fit all that I am grateful for in these last days of November.

The weather has been nice...so unlike fall in the Northeast! But I am enjoying it.

I am so thankful for organization...and the small gift of it that God has given me!

It's been a super day of organization in my house! Blaring some WOW Christian music on the stereo (yes, we still have one of those), and sipping the occasional coffee/tea/water.

I did take a break to write this blog, and to eat. HA!

I love to have a place for everything and to have everything in it's place...my boys, well not so much!

I have organized and re-organized their STUFF for what seems like an eternity of days...and still I find that there is stuff that doesn't seem to have a place. But don't get rid of it mom! we want to keep it mom! please don't throw it out mom! ugh.

Well, I am almost done...for this day that is. I'm sure a week or two down the road I will have to re-organize something. But for now at least I can feel that I have accomplished what I wanted to today.

28? really?

2011-11-28T21:48:00.001-05:00

No, that's not my age! Hahaha! It's day 28 of gratitude!

I am nearing the end of this gratitude challenge. Just a couple more days to go. I will need a break after this!

Today I am thankful for social media. I used to think that blogging, Facebook, and smart phones were a waste of time and money better spent elsewhere...and that is still true if you spend ALL of your time and money invested in these things, or if you use these things inappropriately.

I think social media has its place. It's a way to stay connected with family and friends, near and far. Sharing our lives in ways we never have before! Sharing my faith, my interests, photos, news...little tidbits of life. With one stroke of the "enter" button, I can reach hundreds. That's remarkable.

And as long as I can manage to stay within a reasonable time limit, and keep Christ first in my life, I will be using social media to connect with the people in my life :) How about you?

GreaTfuL DaY tWenTy-SevEn

2011-11-27T17:46:00.001-05:00

On this 27th day of November, I am thankful for my husband's job!

Hank works for SCA Tissue NA, in Greenwich, NY as an industrial electrician. He's very good at what he does, especially troubleshooting. He's senior man on his shift, and usually has his pick of vacation days. That's-a-nice-a!

Hank works 12 hour shifts. That may not work for everyone, but it certainly works for us. Twelve hour shifts means Hank is home sometimes during the week, and he has every other weekend off (Fri, Sat, & Sun). That also means that Hank sees the boys more often, especially during school breaks and summer vacations...and that we can steal away for an impromptu lunch date every now and then :0)

I am thankful that Hank's job is pretty secure (because these days, there really aren't any "secure" jobs), and that he makes enough so that I can be a stay-at-home-mom! I love being here for my boys! I love to be able to send them off to school and to greet them when they come home. I love that I can run to school if someone is ill or if they need a helper in the classroom. And the fact that I don't have to find (or pay for) child care when they have days off is wonderful!

We are not rich by any means. Many weeks we wonder how we are going to make it. But with our faith in Christ, we have security in the fact that God provides. We know God will provide us our every need...not necessarily our wants, but every need.

So today, I am very thankful for hubby's vocation!

grateful for day 26!

2011-11-26T17:19:00.001-05:00

Today was an awesome warm day for November 26th! It might have even reached 60!

We were so blessed to be able to have our holiday photo shoot outdoors!! Yay!

I am so grateful for a special, talented friend who takes awesome pictures! You can check her out here and here.

We had too much fun for a photo shoot! The boys were pretty good most of the time, but they can be a bit ornery!

Last year, our photos came out GAW-JESS!

I cannot wait to see the results of this year's shoot.

Thank you Samantha Whitman!

25 days giving thanks...

2011-11-25T17:38:00.000-05:00

I am thankful for MOPS! You can read my MOPS story here.

When I first went to MOPS, I didn't like it. I felt like an outsider. But I stuck it out, and eventually felt more at ease and made some dear friends.

MOPS helped me to realize that I was not alone; that moms make mistakes and it's OK; that a little grace goes a long way.

MOPS has also helped me to step out in my faith. To boldly go where I dare not tread before! To that place of public speaking and leadership. God has a sense of humor let me tell you! I dare not say, "I'm afraid" of something, because God might just push me in that direction!

But seriously, I am thankful for what God is doing through our MOPS group, and through MOPS International. Because as moms, we are shaping the future generation, and we need all the help we can get!

As the slogan goes, "better moms make a better world!"

on day 24 of thanksgiving...it's THANKSGIVING!!

2011-11-24T14:16:00.001-05:00

I am so thankful to be home with my family, smelling the turkey and fixin's cooking...

3 little boys laughing and enjoying each other's company...

one handsome husband cooking dinner...

so priceless.

I am blessed with abundance on this thanksgiving.

I do miss our big family get-together's though. Ever since my mom passed away, my family of origin has grown further apart instead of closer together. I don't think it's anything that was foreseen or intentional...just is.

But I find myself joyful in the fact that I have those memories from past years in my heart, and I am making new traditions and memories with my little family...right now. It's a wonderful life...

and I am truly thankful.

is it day 23 already?

2011-11-23T22:49:00.003-05:00

On this day, I am thankful for my sister in Christ, and bestie...Julia Halusa. Or as others may know her as Juju, Jujitz, Julinnia, or Julie. For the record, I call her Juju. She calls me Mare-zee.

I met Julia a long time ago, back in the 80's, when I worked for Key Bank. I started in the data entry dept, she was in customer service. After I became assistant supervisor of data entry, Julia transferred to my dept.
We developed a lasting bond of friendship that I cherish to this day.

We did lunch, coffee, dancing on the weekends til 4am, then breakfast at Denny's LOL! We lost touch with each other, and actually lived a few blocks from each other at the time and didn't even know it! We caught up with one another once again at a sobriety dance five years later! This time we swore we would never lose touch again.

We camped, rode motorcycles, were members of a family oriented motorcycle club called the "Thundering Herd," had sleepovers, long talks, and shared everything you could imagine.

Julia eventually moved away to Maryland. We kept in touch for a while, then slowly the letters became few and far between, the phone calls stopped, the emails disappeared. The distance grew...

It was an unexpected loss for me, and it was very hard to recover. But I did. I moved on. Julia and I still keep in touch here and there. Certainly not like we used to. But I will always have a place in my heart with Juju's stamp on it.

I love you my friend. Always.

22 days of gratitude

2011-11-22T11:30:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful for scrapbooking! (I will give thanks to Kristina Hill for the idea of today's post.)

It's a hobby of mine that I love to do...for myself and for my friends/family.
I don't really remember if anyone in particular got me into scrapbooking. I just love working with paper and photos. I am not a professional photographer, although I love taking pictures!

I would love to learn more about photography, and how to manipulate my Canon Rebel to achieve photograph greatness! LOL! But time and money have put a damper on that :(

Scrapbooking to me is very cathartic. I pour out my heart and soul into my pages. It may take a few hours, or a few days, to complete one page. I love the memories and feelings it brings to mind when I am scrappin' family photos. It's a way to express myself, and keep my memories alive!

One day, I hope to have a proper crafting area so I can display all my wares and see what I have at a glance, instead of rummaging through my stash for something "I know I have, but cannot seem to find!"

Here are just a few of my pages (not in any particular order)...

gratitude day 21...

2011-11-21T18:01:00.001-05:00

This "attitude of gratitude" challenge is really touching my heart. Not only coming up with my own thankfulness posts, but in reading others. Why do we only do this once a year? Why not challenge yourself to thank God for your blessings every single day? Turn those complaints into THANKS!

Today I am thankful for LAUGHTER!! Even as I am typing this, my boys are laughing boisterously while playing! I love it!

Everyone loves a good laugh. It's contagious, too! I love tickling my little ones until they are laughing so hard they can't even breath! It's a wonderful thing!

I love it when we are all watching a funny show and we all laugh simultaneously! That really touches my heart. Laughter is one of God's most precious gifts!

And a good belly laugh is great for your abdominal muscles! So laugh on my friends!!

wdzięczny day 20

2011-11-20T12:41:00.002-05:00

wdzięczny is grateful in Polish. I don't even know how to pronounce that! I just thought it would be fun to put it out there. I suppose I could ask my FIL how to say it. He is Polish after all.

Today I am grateful for my godmother, my Aunt Ann. My dad's sister.

my Aunt Ann and me at my christening

My Aunt Ann has been there for me since the day I was born. Growing up in a Catholic home, she took her role as godmother very seriously. She made it her goal to help bring me up and show me love and support in any way she knew how.

Those days weren't always great. I remember when I was still little...maybe 5...and we were in a department store. As my Aunt was cashing out, the cashier asked her for her phone number. She lied and said she didn't have a phone. I spoke up and said, "yes you do!" Well, my Aunt did not like that at all and yelled at me when we got to the car. I felt a little betrayed. She always told me to tell the truth. Why was she lying to the cashier about her phone? Anyway, it was those little things that had a big impact on me later in life (but that 's another story!).

Overall, my Aunt Ann treated me special. She would send me special cards on my birthday, Christmas, any time she thought of me...which was often. She has so much love in her heart for her family! She can come across as controlling and crass at times, but I know her heart. And it's good.

Aunt Ann and her dog, Cocoa

I felt her pain when she went through (and is still going through) such traumatic loss in her life. She lost her father, her brother (my dad), her 25yr old son, her mother and her dog all over the course of six years. She barely recovered from one tragedy when another was bestowed on her. By then, she was a believer, and had Christ's strength to draw upon. However, when her son passed from a very tragic accident, her heart was broken. And before she could even begin to recover from that, her mom (my grandma) passed away. She was her mom's main caregiver and they saw or spoke with each other every single day....every day of their lives! She took her shopping and to lunch. Grandma was her life. When grandma passed, my Aunt's spirit was broken.

There were no grief share groups close enough to attend. So God laid it on my Aunt's heart to start one. She calls it "Reflect and Renew, Circle of Friends." It's a Christ-centered support group, that deals with all types of loss. The loss of a loved one, divorce, anything you could imagine losing. She had no idea how to start something like this, but had the faith and trust in God to see it through. The group continues today, and she has helped many others come to a place where they are at peace with their losses.

She is such an inspiration to me.

I love her dearly, and I am so thankful for my Aunt Ann in my life.

thankful day 19...

2011-11-19T16:53:00.000-05:00

today, i am thankful for COFFEE!!!
So, how many of you who know me were waiting for this one?? HAHAHA!

I love me some coffee....in the morning, in the afternoon, and sometimes in the evening!

I know I am addicted...and sometimes obsessed...but I cannot help it. I love a full bodied cup of joe with 2 sugars and 1/2 & 1/2. Occasionally, I will have a flavored creamer and no sugar.
And even more rare is my splurge at B&N--one caramel macchiato...grande please. and don't skimp on the whipped cream!

But seriously, coffee is much more than a beverage to me. It's a "thing" I do with friends. It's a "thing" that my mom and I shared as well. You can read about that here. You can always have a cup of java with a friend or someone special. It makes for great conversation!

Coffee also has it's advantages, and I'm not talking about just the caffeine to wake me up! There have been some studies that show coffee is beneficial to your health. (just check out WebMD) I know a lot of it isn't proven, but a girl can dream right?

Anyway, it's very difficult for me to go a day without at least 3 cups. And most days I'll have four.
But hey, that's what I do.

whew! day 18 already!

2011-11-18T16:25:00.000-05:00

I am thankful for my "baby" brother Joe.

Being the youngest member of our family sure had it's privileges! At least that's how us older kids saw it!

I remember one meal that my mom always made for us: ground beef and cream of mushroom soup over rice! yuck! I did not like that meal at all! Joey didn't have to eat it that way. He got to have his ground beef in one bowl, and his rice in another bowl. He didn't even have to eat the cream of mushroom soup.
He also didn't have to have sauce on his spaghetti. He got to eat it with butter instead.
I know I know...picky! LOL!

Joey was my buddy growing up. He helped me make clothes for my Barbie dolls and played with me outside when no one else would. When I went away to Denver CO for college, he wrote to me and sent me this little bear...which I still keep on my desk.

He also loves his family, even if he doesn't keep in touch much anymore.

He's very creative and makes these beautiful paper origami flowers and boxes...

He loves to color his hair...a LOT!

And he loves animals! He has many pets...his dogs TJ and Ody:

2 cats named Pollo and Thena, and a parrot named Jay.

I love you Joe...more than you know.

gratitude challenge day 17...

2011-11-17T23:24:00.002-05:00

Today I am grateful for my brother John. He's 15months my junior. When we were growing up, people always asked my mom if we were twins. HA!

Johnny was and is a "macho" man, or at least that's how I see him. He's a "manly man!" LOL!
He has the swagger, and the mouth to go along with it. I remember Johnny always fighting with our brother Joey. But when someone outside of our family was bullying Joey, Johnny stepped up to protect him. Such brotherly love was rarely shown...but definitely known.

John is hard core on the outside, but I know he has a good heart. John is also sensitive...even though he won't admit to that. He makes me laugh! He's got a corny and sometimes graphic sense of humor! But I love him for it. He's the most like our dad...inside and out! Especially now-a-days with no hair! HAHAHA!

me and my brother, John

One of the craziest memories I have of him was when he kicked in the new screen door! We always fought, but on this day, we were bickering quite a lot, and he was not supposed to go outside (my mom and dad were both working). He decided he wanted to go out. I told him if he went outside, that I would lock the door and he wouldn't get back in until mom got home. I was pushing his buttons for sure! Well, he went out, and I locked the door. A few minutes later, he wanted to come back in. Well, I wouldn't unlock the door. He said if I didn't unlock the door, he would kick it in! LOL! I certainly didn't think he would do that! I didn't, he did! He kicked the screen door so hard, he dented it in. I opened the door and gasped! John proceeded to get my dad's hammer to try to fix the door! But only made it worse of course. My dad was pretty upset when he came home for lunch that day. We got into a great deal of trouble over that.

Recently, John completed his schooling to become a police officer in Florida. I am so proud of him! At age 46, he has achieved one of his life-long dreams! Good for you John! I know mom and dad would be proud of you too.

I wish we lived closer so that my boys could get to know you better. I love you, and I am so thankful for you, my brother from the same mother! ;)

my crazy brother, John

16 days!

2011-11-16T15:57:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful for my sister Joanne. The red-headed, freckle-faced, crazy, fun-loving woman of our family!

She is also passionate about family! Gee, that kind of runs through us all! I guess we get that from our parents =)

Jo was also a troubled teen. I remember when she ran away from home. I missed her so much! After my older two sisters left, she was the only sister left to share things with. I always wanted to hang out with her, but being the "younger" sister, she didn't always want me hanging around. I don't blame her! I was always turning her in! LOL!

I remember one day while we were out exploring, we followed this guy into an open window in a gas station. He robbed the cash register, and set off the alarm! My sister grabbed the bag of pennies that was sitting on the counter. hahaha! We couldn't get back out the window because we were too little, so we hid under the tow truck that was in the garage bay! oh my! I was terrified when the police and the owners came running in!
Of course they saw us there...BUSTED! and Joanne told me not to tell them where we lived. I was too scared not to tell! haha! Anyway, we survived.

I also remember another terrible incident we shared. We were walking in the woods near our home, and Joanne stepped on a ground bee nest! All of a sudden we were being stung! We ran home with a hundred bees chasing us! By the time we got home, we had been stung at least a dozen or more times!
To this day, I am afraid of bees!

Fast-forward to present day...

When my mom passed away, Joanne couldn't handle it. It broke her. It was the proverbial straw.
She may not be thankful for that right at this moment, but it saved her life. She accepted Jesus as her savior not long after that.

Once again, I am reminded of Pastor Matt Eachus' words, "God does not help those who help themselves. He helps those who come to the end of themselves and realize that they cannot help themselves."

I love you Jo! I am thankful for all the memories we've shared...especially the crazy ones!
I am so grateful that you are my sister in blood and in spirit!

on the 15th day of thanksgiving...

2011-11-15T14:10:00.003-05:00

I am thankful for my sister Rose.

She was my favorite sister growing up....shhhhh!! She was the fun sister! and the rebel! LOL! She was always getting into some kind of trouble!

I remember when she moved out. I was so sad. I didn't want her to go.
She had a difficult time for a while. She got pregnant at an early age, and our dad didn't want anything to do with her son. But as soon as he saw Jay, his heart melted!

She has the greatest smile EVER!!! and it's so contagious! She loves her family so much, especially her grandchildren! yup...she's a grandma too!

Rose was lost for many years. Then God brought her to the end of herself...and she found Jesus!
I was not saved at the time, but I was amazed by her transformation! What a beautiful thing!
She prayed for me, along with my grandmother...and one day, after eight years of a very abusive and destructive relationship, I went to Colorado Springs to visit her and her husband.

It was there that my sister invited me to her church, then introduced me to her pastor's wife, who then invited me to her house--on my birthday--and threw an impromptu surprise party for me, and treated me, a stranger, like family.

Two days later, I accepted Jesus into my heart...in my sister's basement room...alone with God. Truly awesome.

I will never forget that time I spent with my sister Rose. I love you sweetie! and I am so very thankful for you and that you didn't give up praying for me!

14th day of gratitude

2011-11-14T22:18:00.001-05:00

Today I am thankful for my sister Yvonne.

The oldest of the six of us, I'm sure she had the most responsibility growing up in our home.

She watched us often when my parents were working and such. I looked up to her and admired her determination and work ethic.

She has always been a hard worker. She doesn't know the meaning of the words "give up."

She has a harsh exterior, but a tender heart. She loves her family passionately, and it shows in everything she does for them.

I remember one day when i was in 3rd grade, Yvonne brought a change of clothes to school for me. You see, I had an accident in school and was quite embarrassed. I was so thankful for that change of clothes and the reassurance from my oldest sister that it was "OK."

She became a wife, a mother and is now a grandmother. She still works hard and is still very passionate about family.

I love you Miss Yvonne! and I am so thankful for you!

13th day...

2011-11-13T20:15:00.000-05:00

grato = grateful in Italian.

I am grateful for my grandmother. She (and her first husband) was from Scicily. Which made my dad full Scicilian by blood, even though he was born in Washington, DC.

could you imagine growing up here?

There's a lot about my grandmother's childhood that I don't know. I really need to sit down with my aunt, while she is still living, to talk about my grandmother's rich history.

My grandmother passed away in 2007. She was the matriarch of our family. She was my mentor. She was the one who continuously prayed for my salvation. I miss her hand written notes, cards and letters. She was old school when it came to communication....she loved the written word. But more than that, she loved God's Word. She prayed consistently for every member of our family and relied on God for everything. Her devotion was inspiring.

If you feel so moved, you can read more about my grandma here. I am so thankful for my grandma.

estar agradecido--day 12

2011-11-12T19:01:00.003-05:00

estar agradecido = be grateful

...and I am. Today I am grateful for my father-in-law, Steve.

Those of you who know me, know that he lives with us. In fact, the house we live in used to be his. He raised his family here.

When we took it over, we had much to do...and we have much left to do. Anyway, Steve (or Pop as Hank calls him) has a life-estate here. That means he will be living with us until he passes away.

There are pros and cons to living with an in-law, and although it's difficult at times, we are making it work. I am glad that my boys are getting to know at least one of their grandpas. It's such a blessing.

Grandpa Steve is a constant in their lives right now. He turned 76 years old on November 10th. His father is 97 years old. So longevity runs in the family. I think the boys will have him around for a while. As for me, I'm not so sure I can last another 20 years! LOL! But I will cross each bridge as I come to it. With God's help in strength, perseverance and gratitude, I think those bridges will be less foreboding.

I am, at this moment, feeling grateful for my father-in-law :)

not pregnant...

2011-11-11T23:08:00.000-05:00

today marks 2 months without a visit from "Aunt Flo."
I have been feeling bloated, eating like there's no tomorrow, feeling a wee bit nauseous, and extremely tired.
Sound familiar?

My dear sweet lovable husband says, as he talks to my belly, "hello in there!"
What??!! Crazy man! There's no baby in there! I am 47 years old and Hank had the big "V" over 6yrs ago.
There's no way that I am prego! Hank says, "1% fail." ugh. I'm too old for this!

Well, to dispel this myth, and to "rule out" the obvious, I bought a pregnancy test today. It felt extremely weird. I thought I was doing something wrong! LOL!

Of course it was negative. negative. I thought I would be happy. It was actually disappointing. Even Hank was disappointed.

I just knew I wasn't pregnant, so why do I feel this way? So unexpected. I thought our family was complete. I thought I was done having babies. So why these feelings of sadness and disappointment?

???

reconnaissant..day 11

2011-11-11T10:05:00.004-05:00

Reconnaissant is how the French show gratitude...which is much more than just merci (thank you)...it's thanks with an attitude!

Today, this Veteran's Day, 11-11-11, I am thankful for a free country!
I know, quite expected and cliche...but I truly am!

Can you imagine getting up in the morning to go do a job that was hand-picked for you by the government?

Or having to decide whether or not to abort a female child because the government says you can only have one, and you want to carry on your family name?

We are so very blessed to live here in the US and be afforded the freedoms we have.

Unfortunately, sometimes it takes war to fight for those freedoms.

God bless the military and all those who serve/have served to provide us, and keep, those freedoms!

I am so very thankful for them! and I am filled with gratitude that my children get to grow up in these United States!

"We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters." 1 John 3:16

my grandpa (top left), my dad (bottom left), and my husband, Hank

my sister Joanne (upper right), my brother John (lower left), my brother Joe (lower right)

day 10!

2011-11-10T17:26:00.001-05:00

I am thankful for my MIL, Jill. A strong-willed, bitter woman who was transformed (even just a little) by her grand-babies!

grandma Jill-she doesn't like her photo taken too often

When I say bitter, I say that with compassion. She had an awful childhood. She does tend to hang onto the past and not let it go...hence the bitterness. Sometimes, I cannot blame her...and sometimes I pray that she softens her heart. I truly believe all that bitterness and hard-heartedness is making her physically ill.

Jill and I hit it off right away! We talked on the phone almost every day after the boys were born, and visited often. She so loves her grandsons! It was nice to have that relationship in place after my own mom passed away two years ago.

She has been our number one to call on for child care over the years. However, her health has been failing these last couple of years, and so we try to look elsewhere now for child care.

She admittedly spoils my boys. She once told me (after I had given her my thoughts on how she over does it on Christmas and birthdays), "Don't tell me how to spend my money!" Whoa! OK!

Jill is outspoken and at times pretty rough on the edges. But she's the sweetest grandma to my boys and I love her for that!

She sews them new pj's every Christmas, and used to make them stuffed animals and quilts. The boys have gotten away from the stuffed animals, but really enjoy the pj's every year.

Although she cannot "go" places with them, she often plays games with them (like bingo, cards, etc). She does what she can.

She says she believes in God, but I don't think she knows Jesus. I pray every day for her salvation, and I thank God for my MIL.

friends...day 9

2011-11-09T23:17:00.001-05:00

today i am thankful for my friends.

Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times..."

during my school years and growing up, my friendships were few and far between. i don't think i even knew what a true friend was until i went away to college...and my first real "bestie" didn't come along until i was in my early 20's.

i can probably count my good friends on one hand, one of which is my husband :) but i am thankful for each and every one of them!

they are special to me and i am thankful that we can share our mom stories, our gifts, our struggles and our successes.

thank you God for my friends.

day eight of thankfulness...

2011-11-08T22:20:00.007-05:00

i am THANKFUL for a broken heart...because it brought me to my knees...to the cross...where i surrendered...

(to disable the pop-out player, go to the bottom of my blog and click the pause button. then you can enjoy the music of Jeremy Riddle)

a wise pastor once said, "God does not help those who help themselves. He helps those who have come to the end of themselves and realize that they cannot help themselves." (Pastor Matt Eachus, Temple Baptist Church)

thank you God for my brokenness...

being grateful...day 7

2011-11-07T17:56:00.001-05:00

So, here it is day 7 of being grateful. What am I thankful for today? another day to begin anew.

That was then...

I have been struggling with my weight most of my life. My struggle started after high school when I went away to college. Late night Pizzas, alcohol binges, and lack of exercise, crept up on me and I gained weight so easily. Taking that weigh off was not as difficult as I thought it would be...but I was 20 years old. I worked out 6 days a week and lifted weights. During the week, my meals were only 10% fat calories, and on the weekend I ate whatever I wanted to...and danced my butt off at the clubs!
That lifestyle lasted about 10 years.

This is now...

Fast forward another 17 years. Now I am a wife of 10yrs, and a mom of 3 boys. I gained a whopping 60lbs with my first baby and only lost about 30 of it when baby #2 came along. After baby #2, I struggled to lose the weight, but managed to get the 30lbs that I initially lost back off again. Then baby #3 comes along. Again, I struggled.

When I turned 45, I said enough was enough and decided that I would throw myself into getting in shape once again. I joined the YMCA, and hired a personal trainer. I lost about 20lbs and I felt great! That was 2 years ago.

I gained back 10 of those pounds, and have been fluctuating ever since. I am disgusted and fed up. It's much more difficult to lose weight at this age than I ever imagined! I keep thinking I am 20 and can just dance it off! LOL! But that isn't going to cut it anymore. I have about 40lbs to lose...and I want to do it before I turn 50.

I am in a position to change my eating habits and work out a few times a week. I am thankful for that.
Now I just need to keep motivated and work hard at it!

Lately, I am hearing so many people are getting sick. Having strokes, heart attacks, high blood pressure, cancer. I thank God for my health and I want to glorify Him in staying healthy and treating my body as the temple He meant for it to be. I want to be around to play with my grandchildren...and have the energy to run with them!

Today, I am thankful for second chances!

day 6...

2011-11-06T16:44:00.008-05:00

I am very grateful for a fun day of crafting, fellowship, food and FUN at Temple Baptist Church.

craft4love was to benefit LOVE146, an organization who's main agenda is to prevent and abolish child sex slavery and exploitation all over the world. A just and worthy cause for sure!

photo by Danielle Burkleo

Danille Burkleo and her husband Caleb have taken on the awesome responsibility of heading up the LOVE146 task force at our church. I feel very blessed to know Danielle. She has wonderful, god-given talents that are truly amazing. Check out her blog and you'll see what I mean.

The day of crafting started at 9:30am. My MIL graciously took the boys for the day! (She's another person I am blessed to have in my life!) There was a luscious breakfast waiting for us, along with displays of the crafts we were going to try to accomplish that day. There were also 3 bundles of GAW-jess things being raffled off (all to benefit LOVE146, of course).

photo by Danielle Burkleo

For me, the yarn wreath was the most challenging. I've never attempted one before, but I absolutely LOVE the look! I think the trick is to roll your yarn up into a ball first ;) Something I will definitely do when I attempt my 2nd one! (and I still have to finish the flowers for mine!)

yarn wreath

There were several other crafts, along with a fabulous lunch spread from Carrabba's Italian Grill (Latham, NY). And Pastor Matt Miller of LOVE146 gave us some suggestions on how we could help within our own community/church.

It all ended at 4pm. I came away with a bag full of beautiful crafts and goodies. But mostly I came away from this day with a renewed sense of hope for these girls (craft4love raised over $1700), and a heart full of inspiration!

pom pom fabric necklace

fabric flower pins

paper accordion ornaments

book page bird ornament

bias tape rosette earrings

book page tree

Christmas banner

I am thankful to be a part of something BIG, and I hope you look into what you can do in your neck of the woods as well! <3

(p.s. you can click on the caption of each craft photo to get a tutorial of the craft..except for the banner)

gReaT-fuL...dAy fiVe

2011-11-05T18:54:00.112-04:00

I am so very grateful for my mom and dad. You can read about them here and here.

Parents of six children, they worked hard for what they had. My siblings and I never lacked for any need. We always had the basics. My parents would scrape every Christmas to make sure we all had something special under the tree that year. We were not spoiled by material gifts, and we knew our parents loved us.

As an adult looking back at my childhood, I can remember lots of laughter, big bear hugs from mom, and family dinners together. I know my siblings would have different memories to share, but I want to remember those sweet precious moments growing up on Staten Island.

My mom and dad are both gone now. It's hard to imagine that at times. I want to just drive over to their home to visit, or call them up to say hello. I miss them both very much. They were the cornerstones of our family...the glue that held us together...

Thank you Lord for the time you gave me with them. I will treasure their memories until I see them again.

being thankful..day 4

2011-11-04T15:37:00.002-04:00

I am thankful for the home we live in...

a home that is not quite perfect, and has many unfinished projects in process...

a home that my husband grew up in and that we are raising our boys in...

a home that is so welcoming after a long day away...

a home that the boys love to play in...

a home that LOVE lives in...

bittersweet memories...

2011-11-03T23:17:00.002-04:00

today i gave away one of the last signs that toddlers lived here...our little primary colored picnic table :(

goodbye sweet toddlers

goodbye binkies
goodbye stained blouse

goodbye toddlers in the house

goodbye little hands
goodbye little feet

goodbye to rocking babies, oh so sweet

goodbye Wiggles

goodbye Pooh lamp

goodbye to potty training boot camp

goodbye sippy cups

goodbye clothes so small

goodbye to scribbles on the wall

goodbye tiny table

goodbye little chairs

goodbye to signs of toddlers ... everywhere.

dAy tHrEe...

2011-11-03T14:46:00.002-04:00

I am truly thankful today for my church, Temple Baptist Church.

When I first accepted Jesus as my savior, I was told to find a Bible-preaching church so I could grow in my new found faith. I didn't know many Christians who lived nearby. My grandparents were in PA, my closest friend lived in Greenwich, and I lived in Albany, NY. But I had a co-worker who knew the Lord, and when I told her I wanted to find a church, she did not hesitate to tell me about Temple Baptist.

I was afraid. I was nervous. I was excited too. She told me she would meet me there that Sunday at 11am. I showed up, new bible in hand, and almost didn't get out of my car! Eventually I did, and made my way across the parking lot and up the front steps. What a grand entrance I thought...and felt another pang of anxiety. I was greeted very kindly at the door and made my way up another flight of steps into the sanctuary. I was overwhelmed. The amount of people already there was remarkable. I scanned the sanctuary for my friend...she was no where to be seen. I nervously sat in the back center row, hoping to spot my friend walking in the door before the service started. It was 11:02am. She wasn't coming. I wanted to leave.

Just then, a man approached me. Again, anxiety washed over me. He was coming right towards me. I couldn't escape. He introduced himself and welcomed me to the church. I confessed to him that I was nervous and was supposed to be meeting a friend. He assured me that I would love the service and urged me to stay. If I didn't like it, I didn't have to come back. So I stayed. And I did return...again and again and again. That was in September, 2000.

The pastor was enthusiastic and full of the Holy Spirit! He was a hippie preacher with so much love for the Lord it overflowed into the sanctuary every time I heard him speak. I was in such amazement of the words that were coming out of his mouth. It could only be Spirit-inspired.

Temple Baptist Church has become my home church. The people I've met there follow the Lord with a passion. I love the ministries they endorse, such as MOPS, divorce care, grief share, and especially the children's programs. They reach out to the poor, the elderly, the community, the teens, and across the world, starting new churches and missions. They are what a church should be.

This is the place I go for fellowship, for renewal of my spirit, for Bible study, for outreach. It's a place I feel safe and peaceful. It's where I was baptized, where my husband and I were married, where our boys were dedicated to the Lord, and where 2 of our boys were baptized.

It's a place I hope to treasure for years to come.

I thank the Lord for my church.

attitude of gratitude day 2

2011-11-02T14:35:00.001-04:00

well, I have already bragged on my boys in a recent post. So I won't go into anything too long here.

on this day two of being grateful, I am so thankful for my 3 beautiful boys.

when it came to starting a family, Hank and I got started later in life. I was 37 when I had Nick, our oldest, and 41 when Jake (our youngest) was born. Stephen started growing in my belly only 3 months after Nick was born. Talk about instant family!

but I wouldn't go back and change a thing! I love those boys lots and lots and whole bunches!

they bring so much laughter into this house and into our lives. I cannot even remember what my life was like without them. well, maybe a little. hehe. but I surely don't want to remember!

they will always be a HUGE part of my life...and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Thank you Lord for my children :)

Attitude of Gratitude Challenge...

2011-11-01T22:40:00.003-04:00

So a friend of mine is doing this challenge. I thought I would join her...to support her, and for my own personal reasons. You can check out her blog here.

My attitude of gratitude begins today...at the end of the first day of November.

I am so thankful for my wonderful husband Hank.

He works hard for our family in and outside of our home.

He has put his blood, sweat and sweat (because he won't admit to tears!) into this house.

He always thanks me for marrying him, and doesn't hang up the phone without saying "I love you."

He's a great dad to our three beautiful boys. He tries so hard to be fair to them in all things. They just love him so much!

He's a fantabulous cook! Yes he is! Just ask anyone who's been over for dinner ;) I love it when he's off work...because he cooks for me!

But most of all, I am thankful for Hank because he waited for me. Or rather, he waited for God to say..."OK, it's your time now." Six whole years he waited...and I will always love him for that.

yup...it's that kind of day

2011-10-26T14:24:00.000-04:00

you know those days when you are just not motivated to do anything?
those days when it's dreary outside and it affects your mood on the inside?
when you just want to crawl back into bed and start over?

yup...it's one of those days.

let's hear it for the boys!

2011-10-24T11:52:00.001-04:00

my boys ... I love them so much!

I want them to stay young forever so they never move out! HA!

But seriously, I know that will not happen...a mother can dream though ;)

Nicholas is having some self-esteem issues. It runs deeper than that, but due to our family privacy act, I am not at liberty to say. He's the oldest. Our first-born. He's small for his age. He doesn't have many friends. He's a little eccentric. But we love him for who he is! He has a great memory, he loves reading, he likes magic, he loves doing things with his hands (especially making things out of paper), he really hates his expanders :( He's most hard on himself when he makes a mistake. He really likes to make people laugh, and he craves attention. Nick is a creature of habit. He requires order and discipline. He thrives on routine. When that routine is disrupted, he collapses. He's very intelligent for his age, and wants to be an engineer. I think he can do anything!

a paper replica of Canal Lock 5
pretty good from memory :)

My prayer for Nick is that he realizes his worth and what a wonderful person he really is! God doesn't make mistakes...we are all "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalms 139:14); that he makes many friends along his life path, and that he can, most of all, forgive himself when he makes a mistake.

Stephen has been pushing my buttons lately. We have been like two rams fighting over territory!
It's becoming very frustrating. His attitude and tone of voice are extremely defensive. He takes things so literally...and he knows what we mean when we use hyperbole. He just chooses to seem ignorant to it.
Again, frustrating.

Stephen likes to be funny...even at others' expense. Something we need to work on. But he likes making people laugh. He's very smart and his memory is almost photogenic! He does extremely well in school and has many friends. He loves gym and recess because he can "get his energy out," as he puts it. He likes trying new things, and this year has taken on quite a few extracurricular activities. The one thing that sets Stephen apart from his brothers is that he's extremely inquisitive! He questions everything...and I mean everything. Even direct orders from mom and dad. It's hard to tell if this disobedience is intentional, or just curiosity killing the cat.

My prayer for Stephen is that he softens his heart towards other people's feelings. That he becomes more aware of how his words effect those around him. That he excels in whatever he wants to accomplish, and that he becomes more obedient, not only to us, but to God.

Jaocb. What can I say about my baby? Well, he's not a "baby" anymore. But he's my baby. I suppose I need to stop calling him that in front of him...because he sometimes takes that literally and starts talking and acting like one! LOL!

Jake is a very happy person. He really is. He rarely wakes up cranky, his smile is contagious...he's always smiling! He's carefree and spontaneous...just like his dad. Most things just roll off Jake's back. He's happy just being Jake. On the other hand, Jake needs to feel needed. He wants to be a part of whatever is going on...whether that be his older brothers' games, or mom and dad's activities. He wants to be a part of it.

He loves crafts...a boy after my own heart :) He is becoming quite the little reader too. He loves school and has many friends (maybe because he's always happy). He still has a lovey (his Blue Beary bear) that he sleeps with, and drags around the house. He's given up taking him everywhere, but will still take him on long trips. He still has that innocence about him. I love that. And he's so affectionate.

My prayer for Jacob is that he continues with his wonderful attitude on life. That he comes to love the Lord with all his heart. That he realizes what a fresh and wonderful being he is and that he succeeds in whatever he takes on in life.

My prayer for all my boys is that they love the Lord with all their hearts, souls and minds, and that they put God first in their lives ... all the days of their lives.

In The Midst of the Storm by Beth Moore

2011-10-13T10:24:00.002-04:00

"Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd." (Matthew14:23)

Focal Passage: "Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God." (Matthew 14:23-33)
We can be smack in the center of God's will and still go through terrible storms. Christ loved the disciples with all His heart, yet He "made" them get into the boat when He knew a storm was coming. They were exactly where they were supposed to be and still experienced frightening turbulence.

Can you relate to the disciples? Have you experienced a time when you knew you were where God wanted you to be, but the storms were overwhelming?

Not all the storms in life result from either sin or warfare. Some occur like clockwork to purposely rock our boats. However, if Christ has appointed our place in the story, you can be sure He purposes a show. But, we must be looking past our own boat to see Him.

One of my family's worst storms occurred when Michael, the child we raised for seven years, left our home to return to his birth mother. We received countless cards and letters which were a great comfort to us. Many of them attributed our loss to Satan and our storm to spiritual warfare. We understood the assumption because it was clearly the easiest explanation, albeit not necessarily an accurate one.

I am so thankful God was clear in His message to us during those days. We knew without a shadow of a doubt that Michael's return to his birth mother was the expressed will of God. We had no idea why nor do we have many answers now, but we were certain God was directing the events.

Christ calls us to walk by faith through our storms. It seems like a big requirement until we realize Christ does far more than that. He walks on the water during our storms. God has placed all things under Christ's feet, including the waves that break relentlessly against us. He is in charge. He is right there.

Please don't miss an important element in this story: Christ walked on the water before He calmed the storm. If He had simply calmed the storm, the disciples would have missed His majesty. And what a shame. His majesty was the whole point.

We want Christ to hurry and calm the storm. He wants us to find Him in the midst of it first.

Beth Moore

October 1st has come and gone!

2011-10-03T13:25:00.001-04:00

the first full week of October has already started. the leaves are already falling in droves! with all this rain and cold nights, i think the leaves will be off the trees before their peak!

anyway, LOTS to do with school in full swing, and yard work to do. we still have the back deck to finish and to do something with that shed (the roof caved in last winter) before the snow flies!

we did manage to get the garage cleared out once more, so i can now park my car in there! yay!
but i have yet to paint the wicker furniture. oh well.

MOPS is keeping me busy lately, along with 2 book studies (Shepherding a Child's Heart, and Discerning the Voice of God).

my house desperately needs dusting and my back porch/mud room is a disaster!

to top all this off, i really need to go through the boys' toys again. i know i will have some free-bees soon!

in the midst of all this busy-ness, i really want to be quiet and just listen for God's voice and direction.
i need to hear Him. i need His reassurance and love.

and just as a last note...Nick stayed in service on sunday to partake in the Lord's Supper with us. it was so awesome to watch him in his obedience to the Lord. what a blessing that was!

Jacob Henry turns SIX!

2011-09-21T17:24:00.006-04:00

Jake is six years old today! How on earth did that happen?!

I know it's an old cliche saying how fast time went, but it's so true! I remember when Jake was born.
we were in the middle of packing and moving a whole house! and we moved in with my MIL!

our home in Victory Mills was still being renovated. the kitchen, bathrooms and bedrooms all had to be finished before we could move in. what started out as 2 weeks with my MIL, turned into a month! I'm sure she was just as happy to get her home back as we were!

all that aside now, Jacob has been thriving! he loves school, he loves his brothers, he loves his friends, he loves everything! he's so jolly and happy all the time...except when he's not! LOL!
what i mean by that is, Jacob is content to do most anything. he wakes up with a smile on his face, and goes to bed with a smile on his face. so precious!

he's a great eater! he loves lots of fruits and veggies. not much of a meat eater, but that's ok. he likes to "mismatch" items like socks, PJs and shoes. hahaha! and he has the greatest laugh on earth!

he still has a lovey- blue berry. he cannot go to sleep without him. it's the sweetest thing. but a little advice to all you new moms out there: if you buy your little one a lovey, make sure to buy TWO of it! so while one is in the wash, the other can be snuggled (or just in case you lose one!).

i love my little Jacob Henry sooooo much! here's to another wonderful, precious and smiley year with Jake :)

MOPS! (post three)

2011-09-21T15:01:00.005-04:00

...and then there's MOPS!

for my church, MOPS meets the 1st and 3rd fridays of the month starting in October. we had a great success with our 2nd annual drive-thru registration! at least 25 moms registered that day!

this year, i am continuing to help out with crafts and the newsletter. AND on a larger scale, i have taken on the volunteer position of Community Networker for the Albany/Hudson Valley and Central NY area MOPS!

i am excited about all of the above, but i know it's going to take some scheduling on my part to keep everything in check and flowing in the right direction. i hope i can handle it all!

i believe in MOPS. through MOPS, i have learned that i am an "average" mom. i am not alone in my struggles. i have made some very good and close friends through the MOPS ministry. i have drawn closer to Christ. i have reached out to others when i thought i did not have it in me. MOPS has truly been a wonderful ministry for me and to me.

if you have a MOPS group near you, you should go check them out! if you don't know of one, check out MOPS International to find one in your area. you'll be glad you did!

a new school year..(post two)

2011-09-20T23:21:00.000-04:00

"back to school" is in full swing now! it feels kind of strange at times not having my boys home 6 hours a day. but on the other hand, it feels good that i can accomplish some tasks sans 3 boys underfoot!

homework is once again an "issue," as no one likes to do it, including my first grader, who's rather new to the whole concept.

our weekly schedule is falling nicely into place, and our weekends are our own, as all 3 boys have opted out of fall sports this year. YAY!

Stephen has been wanting to get involved in other extra-curricular activities this year, such as chorus, art club, KC (kindness & caring) club, and a 4H baking club (which only meets once a month). joy. i already had to remind him that if he could not get his regular school homework done, he may have to drop one of his activities! well, that put a fire under his bottom! LOL!

Jacob is having some difficulty making the transition from phonics to actual spelling of words. i just do not like phonics. i wish they would do away with that method of teaching. it just confuses him. Jake is a social master already! he loves his teacher and his classmates. he talks on and on about who he sits with and what they did during recess, etc. i wish he were that enthusiastic about his spelling homework :)

Nick is in 4th grade. my word! his cursive writting is so precise, it's scary! he's not into anything extra this year, unless you consider bey blades and star wars "extra." LOL! he's still not a social being. at times, he comes home a bit down trodden. i pray that this year he makes a good friend. Nick also decided to play the trombone this year. he's very excited about it, and has his 1st lesson wednesday. oh boy!

So, for the most part, we are off to a good start to this school year. here's hoping that the rest of the year is just as good!

the end of summer, a new school year and MOPS! (in three posts) post one:

2011-09-15T22:11:00.001-04:00

suddenly, life is busier! those lazy days of summer have gone and the boys are back to school, i'm back to the Y, and MOPS is kicking off soon!

we spent our last summer days up in Bar Harbor ME. we initially thought the trip wasn't going to happen due to the devastation left behind from hurricane/tropical storm Irene. But we took a different route and drove on up.

we were all excited for the trip. it took a whole day...literally 12 hours! to get there. we were exhausted when we finally arrived, but the boys just HAD to go swimming! it was like 50 degrees! crazy people!

the next day we decided to try to find the Oceanarium that we visited when we honeymooned up there 10yrs ago. instead of asking for directions, we relied on our sense of remembrance (if you call it that) and Mrs. Garmin (GPS lady)...Hank calls her "Martha!" haha!

Martha sent us on an excursion to southwest harbor that lasted 40min! we knew we were in trouble when we got to the Oceanarium and it was CLOSED...for good! we all had a meltdown...yes, even the adults! because who wants to spend all that time driving when it took you a whole day to get up there!

we decided to just head back to Bar Harbor and go up Cadillac Mountain. what a gorgeous day for it, too! God knew what He was doing, even if we didn't!

after this, the boys just HAD to swim in the ocean! off we went to Sand Beach in Acadia National Park...the only place to swim along this rocky coast. immediately i was terrified because of a sign that said "DANGEROUS SURF!" the tide was coming in! and the park ranger said it was only going to get worse! oh boy! the mommy in me wanted to haul them out of there! but daddy kept them close to the shore only knee deep in the water. they were only there for about 20 min when Jake sat on the beach and a huge wave came in and swept him around and out! yikes! that was it for me! out of the water guys!

other highlights of our trip included exploring the sand bar at low tide and hiking up to the top of bar island, eating lunch out on the pier overlooking the harbor, having a "fancy" dinner out at The Chart Room (my fav!), exploring the Oceanarium/lobster hatchery, a walk along the marsh, taking in the breathtaking sites of Acadia National Park, perusing the many shops in downtown Bar Harbor in the evening, and whitnessing the wonderous sight of the sunrising on the top of Cadillac Mountain! awe inspiring!

on our way home, we decided to check out the Penobscott Narrows Bridge and Observatory, and Fort Knox (no, not the gold one!). a spontaneous and FUN detour!

of course, the boys had to swim in the hotel pool as often as possible! LOL! it was just WAY too cool for me!

we were sad to leave Bar Harbor behind, but i am certain we will return...maybe in another 10yrs? ;)

Consider it pure joy...

2011-09-11T15:19:00.000-04:00

Here we are, in the aftermath of earthquakes, Hurricane Irene, in the midst of massive flooding, and the anniversary of one of the worst terrorist attacks on our homeland since Pearl Harbor.

So why should we consider it "pure joy?" In the face of trials and tribulations, our initial gut reaction is to lash out in our flesh with anger, resentment, and always the question "why." We are human beings. This is what we do. And it's not only in the BIG things that we are human, it's in the little things...
like when your child has disobeyed you for the umpteenth time today, or that your "check engine" light has come on for the 3rd time this month, or that you haven't had time to clean your house in the last two weeks.

However, for the Christian who has placed his/her trust in the Lord, has faith and belief that what God has promised is true, the words "consider it pure joy" have much meaning.

In the Bible, in the book of James (2-4), he tells us to "consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

This passage is not telling us to forget. It's not telling us to regret. It's not providing any answers to the question "why." What it is telling us is to persevere! It's telling us that God will test your faith through MANY trials; that if you persevere and trust that God will lead you through it, your perseverance will be rewarded. Cling to God and trust that He is in control...no matter what happens and no matter the outcome.

It's not an easy task, I know. But it's a task that will ignite in you the power and strength of the Lord.
So consider it pure joy ... whatever you face ... that you have God on your side!

And God never goes back on His promises ... never!

september 8, 2001..."thanks for marrying me!"

2011-09-07T09:56:00.000-04:00

10yrs, 6 cars, 3 boys, 2 homes, one love = priceless :0)

This is the love story of Josef Henry (Hank) and MaryAnne...it's quite lengthy. so if you are willing to take a chance, pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee or some popcorn, and have a read...

Hank and i actually met 6yrs prior to our initial date. mutual friends had tickets to see Nancy Griffith in MA. my friend Juju got sick and didn't want the ticket to go to waste, so i went.

little did i know that this "Charlie Manson" shirt-wearing, ponytail sporting, hippie-ish sort of dude would be accompanying us to the concert. yup! and i had to sit in the back seat next to him! oh my!
at that particular time, i was in a very destructive, dysfunctional (what would become long-term) relationship.

after the concert, we planned on going to a "take back the night" rally at a local college campus.
the other two girls and i pleaded with Hank to (at the very least) wear his Manson shirt inside out!
but he refused and on we went. i was literally in fear for his life and bodily harm as we meandered through the crowd of women "taking back the night!" he survived...

and on we went to a museum. we thoughtfully walked and danced and laughed through that museum--all 4 of us. it was fun.

on the way home, the moon shone bright. i forget if it was a full moon. but it was bright. so bright, that you could see our faces in the car. Hank fell in love that night...unbeknownst to me. something about the moonlight in my eyes, i don't know. Hank could tell it better! he didn't persue this "feeling" in any way due to the fact that i was "with" someone, and he was a gentleman.

we both went about our lives for the next 6yrs...periodically bumping into one another.
Hank was smitten. in fact, during those 6yrs, he had a "moment of silence" everytime he heard my name mentioned.

fast forward 6yrs....Hank had just returned from a one year stretch in Key West. perhaps he was just visiting his brother, or perhaps he was re-evaluating his life. i was just out of that long-term, dysfunctional relationship...AND newly saved! the LAST thing i was looking for was to get involved in another relationship..except maybe for my relationship with Christ. but, as i would soon find out, God laughs at our "plans!"

when my friend Juju bumped into Hank, she told him that i was single. evidently, his eyes sparkled ... or something like that. she must have saw a change in him, because she set up a dinner at her place for us to meet. i wasn't too keen on the idea, but went anyway.

that night, we had the most amazing meal, the most amazing conversations, the most amazing time! i hadn't laughed that long and that hard for what seemed like years! it was so refreshing.
i liked him. i told myself beforehand not to have any expectations. but after the evening was coming to an end, i realized that i had one small expectation...that he would ask me for my number. well, he waited until the very last minute..he was literally on his way out the door...and i thought "i blew it!" and finally! he asked me for my number! woohooo!

Hank waited one whole week to call me. i was thrilled to get the call! but didn't let on that i was too excited..you know, that hard to get attitude! LOL! the following week we went on our very first date.
he picked me up in this beat up old pick up truck. i kept telling myself not to have any expectations..again! haha!

we were off. we chatted on the way. when we arrived at the Old Daley Inn, it was way too crowded and very noisy! evidently there was a bartender convention in town. so we were off again.
we headed up the northway...we were so immersed in our conversation, that Hank missed the exit! LOL! (something we would continue to do throughout our marriage!)

we had dinner at the Weathervane in Saratoga. we shared interests, tales, dreams, and cheesecake!
we were having so much fun, we didn't want it to end. so we drove on once again, ending up at the Wilton Mall for a movie. we saw "Castaway," with Tom Hanks & Helen Hunt. we both loved the movie!

did i mention that i lived in Albany at the time? anyway, we had to drive all the way back down the northway...talking the whole time...and finally we were back to my apartment. Hank was such a gentleman the entire night....holding my arm, opening doors, etc. it was nothing i was used to...and that gentle man, at my door that night (or should i say "early morning!"), asked me if he could kiss me goodnight! what?!! i couldn't believe my ears! of course i said "YES!"

you all know that first kiss....so sweet and gentle and heart-fluttering! just amazing. for the next month, we would date, and kiss, and spend time together...getting to know one another. then Hank said something to me that shook me...he said, "i don't do casual." he said this very matter-of-factly. for him, this was it. i was the "one." i was nervous and scared.

after being married when i was 20 for 7yrs, and then having a terrible 8yr relationship, i was not wanting to dive into another committed relationship. but the Lord had other plans. i knew in my heart that this was true. this was what God had planned for me all along. He was the "one" for me too.

it's funny looking back now...i really cannot remember that transition from being scared to being so joyful i thought my heart would burst with love!

two months after our first date, we were engaged...and 6 months after that we were married. one month later, we were pregnant for our first child. every night before he goes to sleep, he says, "thanks for marrying me." to which i respond..."thanks for asking!" =)

it was one of those crazy, whirlwind romances...but it was/is full of the best experiences i have ever had/will have in my life. our life together continues on that wonderful path...full of joy, hope and love. i am so very blessed.

happy TENTH anniversary to my wonderful, amazing and loving husband!

THANKS FOR MARRYING ME!

last few weeks before school starts...

2011-08-22T14:01:00.014-04:00

this summer flew by. as i get older, the months and years seem to go by even faster!

i want to freeze time for a while.

i want to savor my boys' youth!

i don't want to reach 50.

i want to spend ridiculously large amounts of time with my hubby :)

but alas, i cannot. i can just do what i can in the moment and hope that it's enough.

enjoy your precious moments!

time to make the coffee...

2011-08-12T22:56:00.002-04:00

COFFEEEEE!!!!

i love coffee! some may even say that i have an unhealthy obsession with coffee.
if i don't have my 3-4 cups a day, i just might have caffeine withdrawal!

this past week was VBS (vacation bible school) at our church. the theme was "God is Wild About Us!"
Pandamania! i really liked the theme this year, and the music was AWESOME!

my boys and i have been attending VBS at our church for the last 3 years now. i have also helped out with the preschoolers all three years. the preschoolers can be quite challenging! but it's really fun to watch them drink it all in! and this year was no exception...

VBS is from 9am-12pm, mon-fri. but the volunteers have to be there at 8:15am for devotional, prayer & announcements. what that means for me? it means getting up at 6:30am, getting my 3 boys up & prompting them to get dressed, packing an on-the-go breakfast & snacks, and getting out of the house by 7:40am the latest!

some mornings went smoother than others. there was one day when i only had one cup of coffee that morning. by the time 11am hit, i was really feeling the caffeine withdrawal. but i got through it! (and when i got home that day, the very first thing i did was make a cup of coffee! haha!)

we all made it through the week and had a great time to boot! will i volunteer again next year? probably...
but i'm going to make sure i get my caffeine quota each morning! :)

august already?

2011-07-31T23:35:00.002-04:00

july flew by! as in Simon & Garfunkel's song "April Come She Will" it says: "july she will fly, and give no warning to her flight." boy did she ever! hahaha!

the boys are loving their swim lessons. and you can't beat the price=FREE! Jake is no longer afraid to get his face wet and go underwater! yay!

Nick and Stephen are another year older, and our house has a back deck on it! we also have our geo-thermal system up and running....ahhhhh....central air! that's one way to beat the heat!
there are a few more outdoor, as well as indoor, projects to complete, but we are getting there.

Jake and Nick took gymnastics at our church's summer school class in july, and Jake has been trying to do handstands on his own ever since! Stephen took the non-cook food class and loved that he got to eat what he made! LOL! i helped out in the card making class and really enjoyed it.

august will prove to be a bit of a busy month with swim lessons finishing up, VBS, wednesday evening summer school at church again, a weekend trip to VT, and finally 3 days and 2 nights up in Bar Harbor Maine!

some of this was planned and some of this was spontaneous planning...if there is such a thing! haha!
i would have also loved to take the boys back to Howe Caverns and also to Ausable Chasms this summer, but i'm not sure if we will find the time or the funds to go.

for me personally, this past month has been quite a challenge. taking care of the boys, the house, and working our schedule around the projects and workers coming in and out of the house. with all that on my plate, i chose to take on a volunteer position with MOPS International as Community Networker for the Albany/Hudson Valley area and Central NY area MOPS.

i have been in training this past month and we plan to go live with our blogs and such in august. it's been quite a ride, and i am not sure that i am ready, but i trust in God to lead me where he would want me to use my talents for his glory.

to tell you the truth, i am glad that july is over! shhhhh...don't tell the boys!

Stephen turns eight!

2011-07-23T09:14:00.000-04:00

with another July birthday...it's like Christmas in July here at our house! Stephen is eight years old today. and, just like with Nick, i cannot believe it!

Stephen has grown so much over this past year! he's already in a size 7-8!
He used to follow Nick around...whatever Nick was doing, Stephen had to get into it as well. they were inseparable! nowadays, Stephen is his own man. he has his own friends and has his own likes. but he still plays with Nick often.
He has always been the goof ball...and still is today!

Stephen says he wants to join the Navy and be an electrician ... just like daddy. that warms my heart. he loves his dad very much. even though we butt heads often, he's such a joy in my life!

Happy Birthday Stephen James Rowinski!

Nick turns NINE!

2011-07-09T08:01:00.000-04:00

today my oldest son turns nine years old! WOW! he's very excited to be 9 and going into the fourth grade!
it makes my head spin because i can remember his birthday very well.
it was an awesome day! only 3hrs 55min of labor. he wanted out! LOL

he eventually grew a thick head of springy curls, which quickly disappeared after his first haircut :(
but he still has that sweet smile, that wonderful calm disposition, and a kind heart that makes loving him very easy. *sigh*

i cannot wait to see what God has in store for my oldest "little" man :)
Happy 9th Birthday Nicholas Andrew!

another summer...another project!

2011-07-05T23:16:00.003-04:00

we cannot seem to get through a summer without doing some kind of home improvement!

when we first moved here in '05, we had many projects that were ongoing. the first summer project we did was put in a fence around the yard. with three boys ages 3 and under, we had to!

i cannot remember the exact years, but as the summers came and went, we took down some trees, put in a new driveway, replaced the front porch, insulated the attic, put up a new shed, took down some more trees, put in a new play area/swing set, and tilled a space for a veggie garden. whew!

this summer is no different from past summers, as far as home improvements go. we have some major projects on our plate this summer! first, we had 2 wells dug for a new geo-thermal heating/cooling system.
this left our yard a muddy mess! we have yet to seed it! the duct work is in progress, and then they can hook up the system and test it!

next, we dug out a space for our new back deck. another muddy mess! the clay in this ground is ridiculous! it took Hank and his brother Karl about 15 hours to dig 7 holes for the footings. where one hole had to go, there were about 30 rocks burried under the ground! yikes!
another hole, the clay was so heavy, the post hole digger's auger got stuck, and it took them about 2hrs to get it loose again! i cannot wait for this deck to be finished!

and the final project we had NOT planned for this summer was work on our foundation. ugh!
I bought Hank an electric jack hammer for his birthday this year, so he decided to break open the old cistern in the cellar (yes, we have a "cellar," as opposed to a "basement"). it's cold, damp & musty down there!

anyway, after opening up this old cistern, we could see that the foundation wall was starting to come apart and dirt was coming in from around some of the stones. water damage from years of water seeping in through the wall. our foundation is a few feet below our neighbor's yard. so basically, our cellar is their drain.
the house is sinking on that side, but that is not the end of it either. further down that same wall, there are two more areas where there is work needed. one area is minor "pointing" it's called, i think. but another area is very serious. it's a bowing in of the stone foundation right under our living room. the whole side of the house needs to be excavated so that the foundation can be fixed, and a proper drainage system put into place. *sigh*

sometimes, i feel like we've inherited the "money pit!" it seems like we are constantly putting money into this 130 year-old house, and it doesn't even show! there are still many inside improvements to do. but i suppose we need to address the foundation soon. and the new heating system will save us thousands of dollars in fuel cost every year...a savings we really need right now. and in five or six years, it will have paid for itself.

i just want to be done with this house. you would think after 6 years, we would be finished with renovations.
the thing is, it takes time when you are a "do-it-yourselfer," like my wonderful husband. we could have sunk a whole lot more money into this house if it weren't for his skill and talent! thank you sweetie!

i guess if we are to be in this house for the next 20 years, it will all be worth it!
so here's to another summer ... and another project!

the fourth of july...

2011-07-04T11:14:00.003-04:00

not much in the way of partying going on here today! lots of other "stuff" going on though. i will post about that another time...but right now, i wanted to share a post from the blog of a friend of mine. i hope you enjoy it! click here.

the end of the school year....

2011-06-23T09:53:00.000-04:00

so today marks the end of the school year, 2010-2011. it's really hard to believe that next fall i will have a fourth grader, a third grader and a FIRST grader!! no more little ones...but still lots of FIRSTS!! i love firsts!!

this past school year went by way too fast in my opinion. it seems like only yesterday i put Jacob on the "big bus" for the first time...

and saw my two older boys, Stephen and Nicholas, sporting their "grown up" messenger bags!

the school year was filled with wonderful adventures...like DISNEY, Nick & Stephen's baptism, and the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, but also heart-wrenching trials...like surgery for Stephen and Jacob (with the removal of their tonsils & adenoids) and orthodontic work for Nicholas (with expanders and now braces).

our schedules have been packed full with school activities (book fairs, bake sales, trips, parties, KC Club, chess club), sports (soccer, baseball, t-ball), church activities, family and friends.

with summer approaching, i don't know about you...but i am so looking forward to some freedom, spontaneous fun, minimal scheduling, and lazy evenings!!

Dad...9/30/41-6/18/02

2011-06-18T09:11:00.003-04:00

Dear Dad,
your absence in my life is particularly noticeable today. you've been gone 9yrs now. a lot has been going on in my life since then...as i am sure you know! Hank and I will be married 10yrs in the fall. the boys are growing so fast! they are smart and funny and beautiful!

i miss your face, your hearty laugh, your big strong hands...i miss you talking about your many projects and your veggie garden...i love how you loved your family and took care of us your whole life. i always felt safe with you.
i remember long ago camping at Port Henry Beach, taking the boat out to fish early in the morning...just you and i. it was chilly and buggy and i really wanted to sleep in...but i also wanted to spend time with you alone...and since no one else would go fishing with you, that was my opportunity! when you are one in six children, that one-on-one time is very precious! you made me bait my own hook and cast my own line, but i cherished those hours with you, no matter how silent they were. we usually caught dinner, and you at least took the fish off the hook for me and cleaned them too! i remember watching you as you de-scaled and fillet'd those small mouth bass and strawberry bass. they were so yummy!
i also recall, years later, taking long walks with you after your first heart surgery. you walked so fast, i almost had to jog to keep pace with you! it was those "alone" times with you that i will keep in my heart forever.
i am so thankful that you got to meet Hank...or as you called him "Hanky Panky!" do you remember the time when he asked you for my hand in marriage? i don't believe you saw that one coming!! LOL!

i mourn for my boys, the loss of their pepere...they will never know your honesty, your sense of humor, your love. but i hope they will get to know who you were by the journals i kept/will keep, and through the stories i share with them.
i miss you and love you so much!

your little "turkey,"
Mare

Stephen's BIG idea...

2011-06-11T17:55:00.001-04:00

Back in April, the aftermath of an earthquake and tsunami in Japan was all the news...
Stephen saw a commercial on TV that showed the devastation and destruction the earthquake and following tsunami had caused. He was quite taken by it all. he came to us and said rather matter-of-factly, "i want to help Japan!"

i was a bit surprised, but it was not at all unlike Stephen's character....he's very empathetic. so we asked him, "how would you like to do that?" and he replied without delay, "sell some of my toys." my heart grew at that moment! i was just inspired by this 7yr old boy who was willing to sell his own possessions to help those in need.  remarkable.

the following day, as my husband and i discussed the possibility of having our own garage sale to raise money to benefit the relief efforts in Japan, it occurred to him that perhaps we could have a "church-wide" sale to try to tripple our efforts!! what a wonderful idea!

so we approached the elders of Temple Baptist Church to request this undertaking, and find out the logistics of it all. i told Stephen not to get his hopes up because it may not be feasible.  however, the elders agreed and we started the planning!! we were all so excited!

we started collecting items from around our home, and Nick was going to sell lemonade. the church started dropping hints to the congregation, and everything started in motion! Stephen was interviewed and video taped so the church family could see who's big idea this was! i was so proud to see him up on the big screen! advertising in the Penny Saver and on Craig's List helped notify the public, and blurbs in our church bulletin helped get people involved.

well, today was the day of the yard sale! despite the nasty, wet weather, there was a good turnout.
Nick sold his lemonade, and the teens sold baked goods for their missions trip to NC. i'm not sure how much we raised, but i know every little bit will help!!

it was an amazing experience to see people come to support Stephen's big idea!  truly inspiring for all of us! if a 7yr old can have his dreams come to fruition, why not anyone??!!
what's your big idea?

a point of view...

2011-06-03T23:17:00.000-04:00

if i have a point of view, is it not worth sharing?
or do i just keep my lips sealed?
and if i happen to tell you my point of view, do you always feel the need to "correct" me as if i am wrong?
when a subject matter is not black and white, not written in stone, not specifically spelled out in the Bible,
it's up for individual interpretation.
many factors will influence your point of view...your heritage, your religion, your life experiences...the list is endless.
everything doesn't have to be argued to a finite answer...or argued just for the sake of arguing. can't we just agree to disagree?
it gets pretty exhausting after a while. so exhausting in fact, that i don't want to give my point of view anymore for fear of someone taken offense to it and arguing endlessly...ugh.

mom...1/8/37-6/2/09...

2011-06-02T09:23:00.003-04:00

Dear mom,

i miss you extra today...i still remember the day you went to be with the Lord.
waiting out in the waiting room was so hard. emotions were running high and deep for all of us.
everyone was dealing with your imminent death in their own way.
some were even making jokes and laughing. others thought that was very insensitive. but i suppose God made us unique that way...to deal with crisis in a way that soothes our own souls.
then we finally got the chance to see you. i cannot say for sure, but to me, you looked already gone in spirit. sure, the machines were beeping and the respirator was running....but i couldn't see "you" in there at all. you were already gone. the doctors had no hope that they could bring you back...your organs had failed...your heart was weak...and regardless of how it happened, it was your time to go. i think God knew your body just couldn't take anymore and laid it to rest. He lifted your spirit up and placed you in the arms of Jesus! what a wonderful image that is for me!
i wish i had the chance to talk with you that day. there is so much i wanted to say to you.
i love you forever!!! and i will miss you until i see you again in Heaven!!!
praise the Lord that you were saved!!! it gives me HOPE! and PEACE!

the boys are getting so big. Nick is a superstar at baseball. he is so smart in school too. he's being considered for an advanced learning skills class in the fall next year. he also wants to learn to play the trombone! can you imagine! i giggle when i think about his small arms pulling that slider in and out! he loves to draw! he's so clever when it comes to writting stories...he makes us laugh every day.
Stephen is smart too...he asks endless questions...i suppose that's how we get smart, right? by asking lots of questions. it gets annoying sometimes, but i don't like to discourage him. he has a HUGE heart too!
he came up with an idea for a garage sale to benefit the relief efforts in Japan. our church agreed to hold one on the grounds to increase our efforts. he will be interviewed on video for it tomorrow. i just love how he cares for others.
Jacob is such a handful at 5yrs old! he doesn't take no for an answer, and fights me over everything! he's very strong-willed and persistent...i think he gets that from you! but he is also the most loving son. he runs to me when he gets home from school to give me hugs and kisses! he smooches me before bedtime, and always asks for an extra hug! he prays with me daily. he's my little love bug.
i hope you can see how wonderful your grandchildren are from where you sit, mom! i know you and dad would be so proud of them!

i miss our coffee time together. i miss our talks on the phone. i miss our lunch dates. i miss you.
in this grief share program that i am in, they say that time does not heal wounds like so many people assume. time goes by and nothing changes in our grief. but Jesus Christ heals wounds...He can heal the deepest of our wounds. i feel that is true. i don't think i could have dealt with your's and dad's deaths without Jesus in my life. i would be so lost. such amazing grace...
i love you mom...and i will see you later...

your loving daughter,
Mare

untitled...

2011-06-01T13:41:00.002-04:00

i have no idea why i haven't been writting...could it be writer's block?
i certainly have enough to write about ... i think.
subject matter... content... wordage... length... what does it matter?
am i trying to be witty? comical? philosphical? IDK.

all i know is that it's June 1st already! and the school year ends soon...
with summer, birthdays, BBQs, swimming, all just around the corner.
not to mention the end of year activities at the school, like concerts, field day, field trips! oh! and baseball!! baseball season will be ending just around the time school is out...with a parade, picnic and the handing out of trophies. then there's father's day and a huge yard sale at church to throw in the mix!

June will prove to be a busy month indeed!

MOPS and what it means to me...

2011-05-20T15:56:00.000-04:00

MOPS is a chance to make some new friends;
it's a bond that you hope will never come to an end.
it's eating and praying and a chance to chat...
but MOPS is oh, so much more than that!
it's a chance to meet others who are in the same boat,
who share advice to help stay afloat,
in this "mini-you" world that takes up your whole day,
so you don't feel alone and won't run away!
it's a place where your children are kept safe and sound,
while you can enjoy the other moms around...
a story, a craft, a fellowship shared,
a look, a smile, a sweet little prayer.
Christ in our lives spread out over all,
a light that shines for the big and the small.
i'm always sad when MOPS year comes to an end,
it's like saying good-bye to a dear, sweet friend.
but alas when a new year of MOPS begins,
there's another chance to make even more friends!
another story, or craft or even a book...
you'll love it, i promise...so come take a look!

bad boys, time flies, and PIZZA!

2011-05-13T16:39:00.000-04:00

what an evening i had! i already knew that this evening would be a time cruncher, but i had no idea how much!
so here's what went down...
for some background, Hank had to work and doesn't get home until 6:30pm. i had a court appointment for my speeding ticket at 6pm this evening, and Jake had a t-ball game scheduled for 6pm as well.
to make all this work, we enlisted my FIL to take the boys to the field, and Hank would meet them there, and i would in turn go to my court appointment.
we could have easily told Jake that he had to miss his game, but it was his very first one of the season, and we didn't have the heart. so my FIL graciously said it wouldn't be a problem to take the boys to the field.
(and need i say that trusting the boys to my FIL's care is a GIANT step for me!)
so ... time is flying by... the boys get home from school and go out to play with friends... and i order a pizza for dinner because i know i will not be able to just throw something together when we are all flying out of the house at 5:30!
at 4:50, i leave to pick up the pizza. i give the boys specific orders to pick up the yard, go inside, wash their hands, and Nick & Stephen were to start their homework.
as i turn the corner on my way home from pizza pick-up, there are the neighborhood boys taking tree limbs from our pile of rubbish and using them like swords on each other. eek gads! so i kindly ask them to put the sticks back on the pile. (all but one follow through.,,i will get to that later!)
well, the yard wasn't picked up completely (mostly, but not completely), the hands weren't washed, and the homework wasn't even started! and it was already 5:10!
as i am setting the table and the boys are washing up, i glance out the window to see one boy still wielding a stick! ugh! must i be the village mom every day?? so i sit my boys down, give them their dinner, say a quick prayer and have them start eating...as i go outside to reprimand that stick-wielding boy.
once again, i firmly but kindly ask him to put the stick down.
i go back to start eating my own dinner, and there's a knock on the door.
evidently, two other boys found it necessary to tell me that the stick-wielding boy called me a bee with an itch and an a-hole. not so nice. i was furious. so i said nice filthy mouth to myself. thanked the boys and sent them on their way. i then proceeded to call the stick boy's mom to let her know what a filthy mouth her son had...and that i did not appreciate him speaking with disrespect to me, etc. i have no doubt that she meant it when she appologized to me for him, however i do not believe she really cared.
i finally sat back down again to gulp some food down, when there comes another knock on the door! seriously!!?? the same boys come back to tell me that the boy was still chasing them with a stick.
ok...boys, i do not have time for this..go tell his mother!
deep breath here.
it's now 5:22...and my boys are still eating and Jake has to get into his t-ball uniform!
i didn't have time to clean up, just get the boys and their stuff into FIL's car and take off myself.
it was now 5:40pm! i had 20 min to get to Stillwater Town Court!
i did make it with 3 min to spare..and didn't even speed! haha!
whew! i am so glad that i have Jesus in my heart, because without His strength, i would have totally lost it today!

Camille Barbera Tarasewich...

2011-05-10T12:17:00.001-04:00

my dear grandma...

June 6, 1920-May 15, 2007

it's been four years now since my grandma Camille passed away. she was such a beautiful and godly woman. she was so in love with her family and with Jesus....it showed in everything she did and said.
i will always remember her as a strong, fearless, loving woman, who never let adversity destroy her faith.

her laugh was genuine, her heart filled with the Holy Spirit, and the love for her family was easily visible. i will always remember those endless meals at her home...the special touches only a grandma could give. she was an awesome cook! i can almost remember the smells eminating from her kitchen as she baked pizza, cooked speghetti sauce, and brewed espresso. her loving smile, gentle kisses on the cheek and warm, caring embraces fill my senses as i think of her.

my grandma was a servant. she lived her life for others. helping out whenever she could. even if it meant she had to sacrifice her time, money, or home. when she got older and couldn't move around as well, she helped others by praying for them. she was an awesome prayer warrior right up until the day she went to be with the Lord.

i remember all the kind words she had to offer, the sound advice she gave me, and the many wonderful, hand-written notes she sent to me. even though it was difficult to see her on a regular basis, we kept in touch as often as we were able. after i was saved, she was my rock of faith. she had prayed for my salvation for over 30 years, and i am thankful that she saw those prayers answered before she passed away. as i grew older and became a mother, my grandma was there for me in spirit. she made blankets for my little ones, and sent cards and letters and whatever she could afford. i miss her little notes and her boisterous laugh. but most of all, i miss that i don't have her hear to help me in my walk of faith.

my grandma touched many people in her life. i will always remember her unfaltering faith, strength and spirit. no one could ever fill her shoes! may she rest peacefully in the arms of the Lord forever.

love you grandma!

i remember that day...

2011-05-03T22:08:00.002-04:00

it's hard to believe another mother's day approaches...
as i sorted and sifted through the mom's day cards, i couldn't help but feel like something was missing...
of course i knew what it was, i just didn't want my mind to go there.
and as i sit here alone this evening, more and more my mind goes there...to those memories of my mom.
calling her on the evening before mom's day, just so i could be the first to wish her a happy mother's day.
taking her out to lunch or coffee or shopping. sharing our life.
i remember one day...a special time for me...my mom and i went to dinner at Mangia's in Albany before a performance of Stars on Ice, at the then called Pepsi Arena.
we loved watching figure skating together...especially the winter olympics. and when we didn't watch it together, we called each other while we were watching it from separate places.
it was something we shared an interest in...and loved to share with each other. so having that special evening at Stars on Ice was such a thrill for me. i knew my mom was uncomfortable in those seats at the arena...but she gave up her comfort for me that night. she knew that it meant the world to me that she was there with me, enjoying one of our passions.
i will never forget that evening. i will always carry that memory. i still have the program from that performance.
after two years without mom, i still cannot bring myself to watch figure skating through to the olympics. i don't even know who's who in figure skating anymore. it's not that i get all depressed or anything (although i do feel melancholy)...it's just that it's not as exciting to me, because there's no one to share it with who had the same passion as mom and me had. and that's ok.
it's just one thing of many that i hold dear to my heart. and i will never, ever let it go.
love you mom.

it takes a village...

2011-04-27T22:14:00.001-04:00

do you remember that old adage..."it takes a village to raise a child?"
well, this year, i feel like i have been the "village mother!"
writting that right now made me LOL!! hahaha!
but i am serious! i cannot believe how some parents raise their children...or don't.
i am really trying hard not to judge them. but when these children play with my boys, and exhibit poor behavior, i cannot help but think about how they are being raised.
i feel like i have to constantly watch these children as they play with my boys...even though my boys are way past that stage!
i thought i could catch a small break..say 10-20 minutes before i had to peer out the window to see what they are doing.
However, when these other children are here, i feel like i cannot leave them alone for a minute. and it's not because of my boys. i trust them. i find it utterly sad that i cannot trust these other kids. i mean, they're just kids.
5-9 yr olds should be able to play for periods of time .. unsupervised!
some of my other neighbors have just given up and said they couldn't play at their homes anymore.
i don't want to send these children away...and not give them a chance. i don't think that's fair. and it's not the child's fault, for the most part.
however, i also don't want my boys to learn that behavior or even to think it's ok.
i feel stuck in the middle.

good friday...

2011-04-22T16:01:00.000-04:00

it seems like just an ordinary day in our lives...
the sun is out...the birds are singing...the flowers are starting to grow and bloom...
spring is here and new life has started...

yet, if we went back in time...say about two thousand years or so...what would we be witnessing?
the crucifiction, and death of our Lord Jesus Christ.
i cannot even imagine what He went through that day. the persecution. the scoffing. the humiliation. the beatings. the pain. and finally, death.

it's incomprehensible to me how He endured all that for our sins. and He took up that cross willingly!
wow! that's almost impossible to phathom! He was nailed and hung like so many other criminals were in those times. a criminal! can you imagine our Lord being punished like some criminal? unbelievable.
but that's what happened. and we should all thank God that it happened! why?

for those of us who are believers, we know why. for those of you who read my blog and do not know why...well i will tell you...we should thank God that Jesus died on that cross for our sins so that we may LIVE! Jesus took the sins of the world...past, present & future...and made Himself the ultimate sacrifice, so that we may be forgiven our sins and spend our eternal lives with Him in Heaven!
isn't that amazing?!!! God loved us soooooo much that He sent His only son to earth...to live, and then to die, so that we may live! and if you believe all that, then you too can have eternal life also!
just cry out to God! tell Him you know that you are a sinner and believe that He sent His only son to die on that cross for your sins, that He was buried and rose again, and that he ascended into Heaven to sit at the right hand of the Father...then ask Him to come into your heart and forgive you. that's all it takes.
simple isn't it? yes, it's that simple. you can do it right now...as you read this. then go tell someone!
and go to a Bible preaching church for more guidance...and start your new life in Christ.
it's time. because time is running out...

on judging and being judged...

2011-04-19T19:38:00.000-04:00

we all do it...say something judgemental...sometimes without even realizing it.
we're human after all, right? we all make mistakes right? right.
and there are those times when we are on the other end of the stick...being judged by someone else.
doesn't feel good, does it? we all cry "foul," and place blame on everyone else.

what does God do when we make a mistake? He forgives us in all His infinite Grace and Mercy.
shouldn't we extend that same grace and mercy to our fellow beings? certainly!
but do we always? no.

i know we cannot control what others say, or how our words will affect them.
so perhaps we should focus on what we can control...ourselves. we can control what comes out of our mouths, and what doesn't. we can control how we say what comes out of our mouths as well. i.e., with kindness, goodness, mercy, and self-control. and we can also control how we react to what someone says to us.

ask yourself before you speak...is it kind? is it true? is it necessary? if you answer "yes" to all those, then speak your mind. if you answer "no" to any of those, then perhaps you should re-think your answer, and pray about it some more. just sayin'.

faith vs fear....

2011-04-17T18:19:00.003-04:00

one evening at grief share, the video we watched said that faith and fear were the same thing. really? how can that be? i thought "fear" was satan's weapon and faith was God's shield against fear.
let's see what the dictionary has to say about both...

faith: (there are 8+ definitions of faith, but i chose these 2) "belief that is not based on proof; the trust in God and in His promises as made through Christ and the Scriptures by which humans are justified or saved."

fear: (again, there are many definitions) "a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid; reverential awe, especially toward God."

do you see any similarities between the two? two that stick out the most to me are 1) that both are mostly "unseen;" 2) that both include God. and even for a secular dictionary, that's huge.

There are many instances where both faith and fear appear in the Bible.
Hebrews 11:1 states: "now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
2 Corinthians 5:7 "we live by faith, not by sight."
Isaiah 41:10 states: "so do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God."
1John 4:18 "there is no fear in love. but perfect love drives out fear., because fear has to do with punishment. the one who fears is not made perfect in love."
Psalm 111:10 "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom..."
Proverbs 1:7 "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge..."
Psalms 19:9 "the fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever."

of course, i could go on and on quoting scripture. i guess what i am trying to say is that there are similarities between faith and fear. you can especially see those similarities in the last three scripture verses. to have a "fear" of the Lord, such as a "reverence" of the Lord, leads to an increased faith because you are increasing your knowledge of Him and your wisdom in His Word.
but i think if you are "afraid" as in the first definition of the word fear, it's not a "healthy" fear. it will hold you back. it will eventually consume you. to fear anything else in this life or death is to not put your faith in Christ. i have written some previous posts here and here, regarding fear, if you wish to read them.

so perhaps when you feel afraid you can turn to your faith...
if you feel a fear of the unknown, have faith in Christ to move forward.
if you have a fear of a new reality, have faith in Christ to bring you through it.
if you have a fear of what lies beyond the grave, have faith that God told us "to be absent in body means to be present with the Lord."

in the video, they stated that the words "fear not" were listed in the Bible 365 times! that's one for every day of the year! do you think God is trying to tell us something? i do!

i hope i didn't bring more confusion to this, but a small light on the subject. for it will take us a lifetime to really delve into what faith vs fear really means to us. but as for me, right now, i will live by faith, not by fear...no matter how similar they seem to be.

"SHINE"

2011-04-16T15:33:00.002-04:00

i said it before and i will say it again....this world is in desperate need of Christ. i know at least that i definitely am!

for everyone who is a Christian, we know what it's like to have Christ in our hearts, in our souls and in our lives. if we are faithful, we "feed" on His Word daily, we pray daily, we teach His Word to our children, and we thrive on His Spirit that flows through us!

can you recall a time in your life when you didn't have Christ? i can. it was not pretty. it wasn't all bad. but it was not all good either. i'm not saying that with Christ in my life, it's all good, mind you. however, it's a whole lot better than it used to be. for one thing, i don't have a fear of my future. i know God has plans for me and that they are His good and perfect plans. i know that my future is secure in Christ and that one day i will see Him face to face.

how do i know this? because He told me so...and He can tell you and everyone else too.
where can you find Him? EVERYWHERE! but mostly, you can read His Word and see for yourself.
do you know anyone who is not in Christ? i do. Do you think they are ready to hear about Him? perhaps.

wait. pray. then act. share your story...your testimony. witness to someone in need!
SHINE YOUR LIGHT!

http://youtu.be/P8cAU475dQo

not a total loss...

2011-04-12T22:53:00.000-04:00

what a day it's been! i am both physically tired and mentally fried. if i get through this post without my head exploding, it will be a small miracle!
my day was suppose to start out in my quiet hour with God. but i ignored His nudging this morning because i was selfish and so very tired. i thought He wouldn't mind if i slept in one day, right?
well, that was not a good thing to do. i found myself clumsy, harried, and my mind going in several directions at once. i could not concentrate on one thing. i had several tasks going at once, with nothing completed.
i once thought myself a great multi-tasker. well today, it just felt chaotic to be going from one thing to the next. and even though some things were accomplished and other tasks completed, i still feel that today was wasteful to some extent (except for one very cool phone call, which i cannot elaborate on right now).

and when the boys came home, i was still feeling harried and lost and my mind was wandering. then Hank decided he wanted to get the boys new bikes. huh? can we discuss this first? nope...he decided it was time.
well, Stephen was almost knocking his knees on the handle bars, and Jake's bike was made of some supernaturally heavy metal that even i had trouble pushing up the drive way...so off to Wal-mart we went.
we got great deals on 3 bikes for 3 boys and headed home again. they stayed out late to ride them, so everything else on our "schedule" was late by at least a half hour--dinner, homework, baths.
the boys finally got into bed at 8:05pm. WHEW! another day done.

what was accomplished this day? well...a few things did get done as i go over this day in my head right now.
i washed/dried/folded & put away 3 loads of laundry, 2 loads of dishes, and got the three seasonal clothes bins out to go through tomorrow; i completed the MOPS newsletter for April/May, and changed the sheets on the boys' beds. so, i guess today wasn't a total loss!

but tomorrow...i am going to listen and obey God's little nudge!

the many women in my life...

2011-04-08T09:36:00.003-04:00

there are many women in my life...my three older sisters, my 3 remaining aunts, my MIL, my bestie who's moved away that i don't see or talk to much anymore (but i've come to terms with that), a handful of cousins, in-laws, the women at my church that i talk with on a "surface" level, neighbors, and of course many on-line friends.

lately though, there have been a few women whom i have come to know on a more personal level. women who are in Christ, strong, confident, submissive to their husbands, great moms, and are slowly becoming good friends. i feel priviledged to be a part of their lives...their accomplishments, their struggles, their dreams, and sharing mine with them.

however, the most significant women in my life are gone now. my mother and my grandma Camille shaped me and molded me into who i am today...for better or worse. it's harder some days when i really just want to pick up the phone and call my mom to tell her a funny story about the boys, or ask advice regarding their schooling or health. or call my grandma to ask about faith/prayer issues. even though they have been with the Lord for 2 & 4yrs, respectively, i still miss them often.

now i suppose i will need to turn to the other women in my life to fill in those gaps. it has been difficult in the past to do this because i didn't want to "replace" my mom or grandma. now it seems a bit easier. not the loss, but easier to seek out those other women in my life. i realize that i really need a replacement....that i cannot go through life without the close relationship of another woman, especially a woman who has Christ in her life. perhaps even an older woman, who can be a mentor to me.

yeah. that's the kind of woman i need in my life.

what service means to me...

2011-04-02T22:13:00.000-04:00

did you know that dictionary.com lists 13 meanings for the word "service?" whoa!
i don't know about all those; i just know what service means to me.
service to me is something more than just performing a duty or doing something to help someone.
service is a comittment...to God, to the person, and to myself.
service is a way to help others to bring forth the glory of God.
service is a way to SHINE God's light in this otherwise dreadfull world.
service is providing help to someone without expectations.

S = sacrifice your time and yourself for another person's need.
E = everyone should be in service to everyone else.
R = rise above the world's view of "me, myself and i."
V = vital: service is vital in this fallen world.
I = instant feeling of joy when you help someone in need.
C = cornerstone: service should be a cornerstone in your walk with God.
E = everyday: service should be a part of everyone's day, if possible.

are you serving something other than your ego? just something to think about.

God's 6am wake-up call...

2011-03-30T17:10:00.001-04:00

so, i'm sound asleep at whenever time in the morning, after a tossing, sleepless night.
my husband has gone to work, and the boys are still asleep...
it's 6am or 6:15am or 6:30am...whenever...
God's calling...wake up. it's not a loud voice...it's not a big shove...just a softly calling voice...wake up.
i roll over and look at the clock. ugh! then pull the covers up and close my eyes again.
God's calling...wake up. still not a loud voice or a big shove...just a small soft voice calling..wake up.
i open my eyes and listen...no one is up. i roll over and close my eyes once more.
God's calling...wake up. no. i don't want to get up. i'm tired. no on else is awake. why should i get up?
God's calling...it's now 6:40am. no! i am NOT getting up! i will wait for the boys to get up.

God's been giving me a wake-up call for the last month...am i listening? well...i hear Him calling me.
but why won't i obey? it's too early? or i'm tired? or i just don't want to?
all of the above.
there is a small part of me that wants to get up. but the flesh in me stays in bed.
God knows this time of the morning is THE perfect time to wake up and spend some much needed alone time with Him.
so why won't i listen?
i think i'm afraid of what He might show me.
i think i'm afraid of being obedient, and all that that entails.
i think i'm afraid that i might actually grow closer to Him.
whatever the rationalization is, i need to just get over it and WAKE UP!

is God calling you? Are you listening?

"good" grief...

2011-03-29T16:40:00.003-04:00

yes, i said "good" grief. grief isn't supposed to be "good," though. at least that's what i thought.
you may wonder why i'm writting about grief when i haven't had a recent loss. well, i'll tell you...

recently, i have started attending a grief share program at my church. the reason for this, as i tell myself, is to support my sister in her grieving process. my sister doesn't know anyone at my church, and felt uncomfortable going alone. so i offered to go with her. she really needs this kind of program to deal with her grief, as nothing else is helping. my intention was to only go a few weeks while she aquainted herself with everyone in the group.

after the first class, i was quite overwhelmed by everyone's stories of grief. i began wondering if i could stay the course, even for a few weeks. i started to second guess my intentions, and contemplated NOT going back. but then my sister came to church on sunday, which was a huge surprise and a great blessing to me! and i received a beautifully handmade card from one of the program facilitators, who wrote such wonderful, encouraging words to me. once again, i reevaluated my intentions.

i decided to give it another try. by this time, i was determined to at least go for a month...for my sister.
once again, my heart strings were pulled. i was struck unexpectedly by a topic brought up on the video we watched: "secondary loss." hmmm...what did that mean? secondary loss?
what was God trying to say to me? did i miss something the first time around in my grieving process?
as we discussed the video, it came to my turn to speak. i barely touched on the fact that i was feeling secondary loss from when my parents died. especially my dad's passing, which was almost 9 years ago.

the secondary loss i was feeling wasn't really for myself, it was for my boys. that they would never get to know my dad, or have a relationship with him. i know i can talk about his life with them and show them pictures; but they will never get to hear his silly stories or hear his boisterous laugh. he will never be able to teach them how to garden or to fish or to build a birdhouse. it seems quite silly to me that i feel sad about those things. if the boys never knew him, they would never miss him. but i miss him for them, if that makes any sense.

and as i drove the 35 minutes home that night, another thing occurred to me...that i was jealous of my father-in-law's relationship with my boys. whoa! where was that coming from?!! i have been harboring anger and resentment towards my father-in-law because i wanted my boys to have that grandfather/grandson relationship that he gets to have with them...and they will never have with my dad.
enlightenment? i'd say! God has a way of placing you right where you need to be, and where He wants you to be...no matter how you try to avoid it!

i suppose that's why i called it "good" grief. it's good that God has led me to this program, even if it was by other reasons in my mind; it's good that i became aware of this deep down heart issue before it steals my joy; it's good that i can finally admit it to my husband and have someone hold me accountable for it; it's good that i can now ask God...what's the next step?

"good" grief!

failure...

2011-03-26T11:51:00.002-04:00

have you ever thought yourself a failure? i am sure we all have at some point in our lives.
do we lean on God to help us through those difficult times? or do we lean on our family and friends?
i'm not saying we shouldn't discuss our feelings, dreams, failures, etc with our close ones...
on the contrary...we need to talk and let things out! because we are human...and being human, emotion drives us.
but God has another plan for us. He wants to be our EVERYTHING! the ONE who we go to with ALL of our fears, failures, difficulties, as well as our hopes, dreams, successes.
He loves us no matter what...without FAIL!

i found this in a book by the Reverend Dr. Robert H. Schuller...it really drives home the point that God will be there for us whenever and wherever we need Him ... and beyond!

when it looks like i have failed i ask,
                             "Lord, what are You trying to tell me?"
failure doesn't mean i'm a failure.
                             it does mean i haven't succeeded yet!
failure doesn't mean i have accomplished nothing.
                             it does mean i have learned something!
failure doesn't mean i have been a fool.
                             it does mean i had enough faith to try!
failure doesn't mean i have been disgraced.
                             it does mean i dared to adventure!
failure doesn't mean i don't have it.
                             it does mean i have to do something in a different way.
failure doesn't mean i am inferior.
                             it does mean i am not perfect!
failure doesn't mean i've wasted my life.
                             it does mean i have an excuse to start over again!
failure doesn't mean i should give up.
                             it does mean i must try harder!
failure doesn't mean i'll never make it.
                             it does mean i need more patience!
failure doesn't mean You have abandoned me, God.
                             it does mean YOU MUST HAVE A BETTER IDEA!

"in everything you do, put God first, and He will direct you and crown your efforts with success." Proverbs 3:6 (LB)

do you still love me?

2011-03-25T09:45:00.000-04:00

it's crazy, but every day i hear this question ... from my husband.
of course i still love him! and i tell him often...i think.
but then he asks me again...do you still love me?
yes! can i make it any clearer?

i know his love language is physical touch...and a little of words of affirmation.
so i try hard to make sure that's included in our day.

but i still get the question..do you still love me.
it's frustrating and a little bit annoying, verging on contemptuous.

i'd rather not hear it anymore. but once again, last night, there it was...do you still love me.
so i rolled my eyes and said YES! i don't think i am handling this well.

i guess i have to pray about it.

it's a new day...

2011-03-24T09:38:00.003-04:00

i was feeling sort of blue-ish.
mostly because this winter has been stalling it's butt to get out of town!
and because my diet has been horrible...
and my exercise routine is pretty much non-existent...
and because the pediatrician at the walk-in clinic missed Stephen's DOUBLE ear infection!
sheesh!
i just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep the day away!
but of course, as moms, we know that is almost impossible.
so onward we go...
but it's all good! i got to snuggle with my middle child and have one on one time with him yesterday.
=) gotta look at the positive side of things.
Stephen rarely wants to spend time with mamma...it's "daddy" that gets all of Stephen's time.
so i was basking in Stephen's attention =)
and today...well, today is a glorious NEW day! Praise the Lord for new beginnings!
yes! we can start anew each and every day!

my facebook dilemma...

2011-03-12T22:10:00.003-05:00

so, once again i decided that it may be time to take a sabbatical from fb and CPF. i started on ash wednesday (march 9th). it abruptly ended 2 days later.
the reason for this sabbatical was to spend more time with God.
it wasn't to get more housework done...because i always get that done. no problem.
it wasn't to get more time to myself...because i really get more than enough of that, now that all 3 boys are in school all day.
it wasn't to spend more time with friends...because, well i don't think i want to get into that one just yet.
it was to get back in touch with my God.
2 yrs ago, i set out on a journey to read through the Bible. not just to get through it (once!), but to read it, and try to get something out of it. to get to know God's character, His true nature, and what that means for me and to me.
i am still struggling with finishing. it's not that i don't want to, but the computer steals my attention...and before i know it, i've spent an hour on fb or other sites that i frequent.
i really need to put God first in my life. but does that mean i need to give up everything else? i don't think so...at least i haven't had any clear "order" to do so.
i don't want to give up on fb altogether...it really has a place. i keep in touch with my siblings, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, and of course my friends...both near and far.
i enjoy hearing about their days and looking at their pictures. and no, i am not a voyer. i truly have an interest in my family's and friends' lives, and want to be a part of it...even if it's only virtual. hey, if they didn't want anyone to read about their lives, or see their pictures, they wouldn't be on fb!
i enjoy reaching out when someone is in need, and places a request on fb--wether that be a prayer or a physical need.
i enjoy sharing my day and photos of my family to my loved ones.
i know it's not a replacement for real-life physical, face-to-face contact...but it beats nothing at all (which is what i would have if not for fb).
so my conclusion for my dilemma is to decrease actual time spent on fb, but not giving it up altogether.
because the reality is, that we all need to reach out, we all need encouragement, we all need some sort of contact with the outside world...and if fb fulfills a little bit of that, then so be it.
i am happy with my decision...for now.

NAP time...

2011-03-10T15:10:00.001-05:00

i think it's been about 3yrs since i've had a napping child...and about 5yrs since i've taken a nap myself!
well today, i was so exhausted and my bed looked so good with fresh sheets on it, i just HAD to jump in!
it might have been due to the last two sleepless nights, or my last two INTENSE workouts, or the fact that i was up at 5am to drive down to Albany to take my sister to her test, or perhaps because i didn't have my usual 3 cups of coffee by 1pm...whatever it was, i really needed that nap!
i couldn't fall asleep right away...i kept thinking of what i had to do: dishes, laundry, vacuuming, and thinking of what i could be doing instead: calling people or SCRAPPIN'...but finally sleep did come.
nice.
but i was rudely awakened by the telephone ringing. it was just my sister thanking me for taking her to her test.
i couldn't get back to sleep. my nap was over.
it was sweet while it lasted.
now i sip my wonderful coffee *sip* *swallow* *smack* and a long
"aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

friend vs acquaintance...

2011-02-23T16:15:00.002-05:00

most of my "social" life has been spent on the outside looking in. sometimes, even at the age of 46, i still feel this way. at times, i feel like i'm back in high school...with the little cliques in social settings...you've got the princesses, the cheerleaders, the jocks, the party girls, the popular girls, and the loners. the socially inept. the girls that don't get asked to the parties or the sleepovers, or the prom. that was me. i was ridiculed and called names. i was used for my straight A's (one girl actually friended me to copy my homework). i spent my lunch time in the library because i was afraid to sit by myself in the cafeteria.

this feeling stayed with me through college. and i longed for a close friend to go through life with. it took me a long time to find such a friend. we had so many awesome moments together. then lost touch. then found each other again. then she moved away. we lost touch again. then reconnected. now, even though we don't "see" each other on a daily basis, or even talk on the phone much. we keep in touch via fb and email. i miss my "bestie." and i have been trying to find another like her to fill her shoes. someone i can confide in and see face to face daily. well, that's just not happening.

mostly, i have "acquaintances." people in my life that i see often, but don't really hang out with, or get into deep conversation with. Even if you see a person every day, if your interactions are superficial, they are probably merely an acquaintance and not a friend. If you only see the person in a group setting or in public places, it's likely that he or she is just an acquaintance. Generally you will spend time with your friends one-on-one or at each other's homes. With a friend, you typically take time out to specifically spend time with him or her whereas when you see an acquaintance it's because they happen to be present when you are doing something else you want to do or seeing another friend.

i found this "definition" of a best friend on urban dictionary:

"A best friend is not only someone you have a good time with, it is also someone you believe you can trust your life with. A best friend is the first person you call when the most amazing things happen in your life, and when the most horrific incidents happen. A best friend is the person you will always remember no matter what comes about. Some people lose the only true best friend they will ever have, and even when they get new "best friends" .. that old, real best friend is always on their mind. A best friend is almost like real family, a best friend gives the opinion you usually care most about. A best friend is the one who tells you the things you absolutely need to hear regardless of whether you want to hear it or not. A best friend is the person you usually can be around always and never get sick of. A best friend is someone you don't envy, and is the person you are grateful to have as a friend. A best friend is the one who will forgive you always, even when you've screwed up so bad.
And a best friend is the one who even though you may have drifted apart from, when the time comes for them to hug you or congratulate you on an accomplishment or to console you on a loss.. they are the number one person you want to see, always because they are the person you've confided the most in and they are the person who knows you the best .. even when you both have changed. Your real, true best friend is your comfort zone."

even if you haven't seen or spoken to them for months or years but you know everything there is to know about each other and when you do see or talk to them, it's as if no time has passed at all.

i wish i lived closer to my bestie. i miss you Juju.

addictions and self-control...

2011-02-18T23:23:00.002-05:00

we all have them...addictions. a lack of self-control when it comes to one particular item...wether it be a food, a beverage, a substance or a "thing" of value to us. it uses us. it sucks us dry. we crave it. we give in to it. it consumes us until we cannot live without it. we try to challenge it, but it's too powerful...but only because we give it power. the dictionary describes addictions as "the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma."

i'm addicted to coffee. i cannot go one day without it. i need it. i want it. i crave it. and it gets worse...i have to have at the very least, 3 cups per day or i will get an insane headache. some days, i have 4 cups. on very rare occasions, 5. but as the months and years go by, i am concerned about this addiction. my "tolerance" levels have increased drastically. my body has become accustomed to getting it's caffeine supply no matter what the cost. perhaps it's a lower calcium level in my system, or a decrease in bladder control. whatever the cost is, i think it's worth it because i don't stop, or even begin to decrease my consumption.

is this a problem? well, most would say yes. i would definitely say no...because i'm an addict. and addicts usually have a problem called "denial." (and that's not a river in Egypt!) in order to rid ourselves of any addictions we have, we must withdraw ourselves from the thing we hold much too high in esteem. that prospect is very uncomfortable to say the least. deny myself coffee? i couldn't possibly do such a thing! think of the suffering it would cause my body, my mind, my soul! where would i be without it? in bed with a migraine most likely! but...

think about one soul. one man. one inherently Holy being. sent here for one purpose and one purpose only...to suffer for our addictions...our sins. i cannot even imagine what Jesus Christ went through when He was beaten and then hung on the cross...nailed to the cross...and sliced open while He died for our sins. it's unimaginable. yet it happened. Jesus suffered for me. body, mind and soul. He suffered. and at what cost? He tolerated abuse...verbal, physical and emotional. He craved truth, love and obedience to God. don't deny Him. He's the only one who could save you from yourself...from your addictions...from your sins.
so i ask you, what's a little caffeine withdrawal compared to that?

what's your addiction?

RIP Mr. Coffee...

2011-02-08T13:31:00.001-05:00

MR. COFFEE, our dear beloved 12 cup coffee maker, died suddenly yesterday, at the ripe age of 5yrs. There was no prior illness. He lived a full life, serving his family well. He was always willing to brew no matter what the time or occasion. He will be missed. Mr. Coffee is survived by his step-sister Miss Keurig. Viewing to be held at our home on Thurs 4-6pm; funeral will be postponed until spring thaw. in lieu of flowers, please make a donation at your local DD or Starbucks.

Ode to Mr. Coffee

Oh what a pot you've been

So close to my heart, my coffee friend

Brewing daily my delight

Never resting day or night

You had to go someday I guess

But i will miss you and your warm caress

this is the stuff...

2011-01-29T17:34:00.005-05:00

i love Francesca Battistelli's new song "this is the stuff!" it really describes a typical day in the life of a mom. being a mom is a wonderful, joyful, and sometimes thankless job. i am enjoying my "late-in-life" motherhood. i have no regrets.

this year is starting out with a full calendar for the month of January....doctor visits for Hank, orthodontist visits for Nick (who also is involved in KC club and chess at school), play dates, dinner dates, lunch and coffee dates, child sitting, tax prep, and MOPS. and with all that plus the regular everyday business of meals, baths, church, bible study time and gym time...well...you get the picture.

down time is very welcome in our home!

this weekend, Hank is off to the men's reload at camp of the woods in speculator, along with 84 other men from our church. this is a good thing! and so out-of-the-box for him. he is really stepping out of his comfort zone and i am so proud of him.

today i took the boys + 1 (my neighbor's boy) to go sledding at Schuyler Park. what a tremendous hill! but they all had great fun! and even though January was a bit busier than i would have liked it to be, i am certainly looking forward to February...and the rest of the year. yes, this is the "stuff" that life is made of =)

on death and dying...and peace...

2011-01-19T23:17:00.001-05:00

it will be 2 years this year that my mom has passed, and 9 years for my dad.

during tonight's bible study, it was briefly discussed how people "look" when they are dying...
that there is a definite peace about the people who are saved. someone mentioned that there was a definite grimmace on the faces of those who are not saved as they are passing. it was discussed that perhaps people get a "glimpse" of where they are headed before they actually die.

i never thought about that before. it was quite disturbing at first. but then i started to understand...the people who were saved knew where they were going. they had a "peace" about it.

i believe that both of my parents had a "peace" about where they were going. i knew that my parents were saved. they told me so. my dad accepted Christ into his heart 2 days before he passed. my dad was at peace with his imminant death. he told me so. he told me that he saw Jesus and his dad (my grandpa) waiting for him. he told me he was ready to be with them. of course i cried, and felt a terrible loss. but being saved myself, i also had a "peace" about his death. with faith in God comes that peace. as the instructor of the bible study told us, the peace that surpasses all understanding is given to us freely. it is a gift from God.

on the flip side of that coin is those who are not saved. those people do not have peace. they are lost and lonely and have terrible worries and guilt and a deep sadness that penetrates their very soul. death to them is a final destination. the end of the road. you're put in a box and covered with earth and there you stay, rotting for eternity. no hope. no peace.

i saw this in the faces of my family in the intesive care unit of St. Mary's Hopsital, as my mom lay there with no earthly or medical hope of surviving through the night. yes, i prayed to God to keep her here for me, for us. but it was a selfish prayer. God knew that my mom could not take any more. her body was just wore out. the family that was all around me, with the exception of my husband, was not saved. they had no peace about the situation. they struggled with the fact that the doctors could not do anything to help my mom. they struggled with the fact that we had to make a really tough decision to cut off all life support to her body.
they struggled with the "why" of it all. again, i too cried and felt a deep loss, knowing that my mom would not want to be kept alive by machines. knowing that we would have to make the decision no child should have to make for their parents. but also knowing that my mom was saved and will be on Glory's side when the alarms from those machines stopped going off. i had that peace...that only God can give.

i pray that ALL of my family will be able to one day feel and know that peace that surpasses all understanding.

these are the hands of a 46yr old...

2011-01-17T19:52:00.000-05:00

the hands that hold

the hands that pray

the hands that mold

my boys each day

the hands that take

the hands that give

the hands that make

my heart forgive

the hands that reach above

the hands that pry

the hands that love

and will someday die.

these are the hands of a 46 year old;
these are my hands.

fear not...

2011-01-16T14:10:00.000-05:00

turn, o Lord, my fears around.

let them become a positive force

for good in my life until i--

fear not that i might fail.

but fear rather that i might

never dare to discover my potential.

fear not that i might be hurt.

but fear rather that i might never

experience growing pains.

fear not that i might love and lose.

but fear rather that i might

never love at all.

fear not that people may laugh at my mistakes

but fear rather that God will say

to me, "o you of little faith."

fear not that i might fail if i try again.

but fear rather that i might miss my

great chance for happiness if i failed to

give hope another opportunity.

Amen.

(taken from the book "365 positive thoughts," written by the Reverend Dr. Robert H. Schuller)

2011...nothing new for me

2011-01-01T12:40:00.000-05:00

with all this hoopla of a new year, comes new resolves for many of us. renewed hopes, renewed faith, renewed dreams , renewed lives.

in the past, i have made many resolutions myself...only to let myself down for not living up to them, or having to put them aside for others...which is not necessarily a bad thing. it is what it is. life.

while reading others' blogs, fb posts (& other venues for communication/social networking), i find it sort of disheartening that many have such wonderful aspirations for the coming year; while i have none.

i have no goals for my life, no goals for my family, no goals for my personal growth--spiritual or otherwise. it seems i am complacent regarding the upcoming year.

and i am not sure that is a good thing.

i suppose if i don't have any goals, i won't have any expectations. therefore, i won't fail. but not taking any risks to grow may leave me stagnant. and i really don't want that.

so for lack of any real goals in my life right now, i will stay hopefull for a year of growth. i will keep the faith, rest in my Lord Jesus Christ, and take heart in the fact that He has a wondrous life planned for me...wether or not i make any resolutions.

here's to yet another year of life!